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Grogu Arteta AKA "The Child" - Trained under Pep Skywalker at the Jedi Temple on the Oil Rich planet of Manchester, returned to his own people, but wants to go back to Pep. He may look young, but he's quite old. Capable of winning trophies, but must sleep for awhile after. #AFC
Big Sam The Hutt - Big Sam is a Hutt Gangster & Crime Lord. He rose up thru the ranks to the top job, but due to allegations of corruption had to step down. He's fiercly defensive & traditional, just not so good at defending himself. Partial to a Klatooine paddy frog, or 12. #WBA
Brendan Fortuna - Worked under Darth Mawlrinho for years, nurturing the children of the Oil Rich Russians. Made his name on the Outer Rim (Swansea). Ousted by Han Klopp, he went to the Ice Planet of Celtic, now sits on the throne of King Power. Sneaky af. Napoleon complex #lcfc
Chewbaccenhüttl -Hails from his home planet of GAK, led Ingolstadt to a successful rebellion. Friends w/Han Klopp, no one knows how old he is. Makes wailing noises on the touchline & can't hold back his emotions. Loves a cuddle. Hilarious but not sure what he's on about #SaintsFC
Cornelius Bruce - "fans don't like me, I don't like me either" from a tiny Moon near Newcastle, experimented on and corrupted by Red Devils he was forced to take shady jobs in backwater quadrants. Leaves a trail of confused players and dissatisfied fans in his wake. #nufc
Darth Maulrinho - Once a puppet of the Manchester Sith, he is now building his own criminal Empire on the planet of Spurs. Absolutely loves himself, staff hate him. Loves a victory, at any cost, luxurious purchasing and making excuses. Paranoid, "Special" #THFC
Dean "Watto" Smith - "mind tricks don't work on me". Bit of a geezer, wheeler-dealer. Unashamedly from the streets, his time in the backwater planets hardened him. Not afraid to play the kids and needs convincing to sell them. Needs help from "broken technology". #avfc
Dyche Mayfeld - Known as Inmate 29061971 Dyche is the leader of a bunch of mercenary criminals from the inhospitable planet of Burnley. He's a hard man, keeps his troops in line, defensively. Cracking Vadar impression. Defensive af, not a shooter. Don't mention Europa. #burnleyfc
Gran Moff Moyes - Clawed his way out of the Glaswegian underbelly in the rebellious Scottish Ice Planet, Moyes rose through the ranks of the Empire and was supposed to be the Chosen One. Loves to dither and can't win a big game. He is devoutly religious, seems dodgy. #whufc
Han Klopp - From the outer planet of Stuttgart, Klopp grew up with Chewbaccenhüttl, raiding the Bundes belt. Taken in by Liverpoodlians who were also frozen for years. Knows you love him. Friendly & funny, unless he loses, then he's mean as hell. #LFC
Kuiil Wilder - Provincial former slave and now a farmer from the remote planet of Blunt. Had one good season, unfortunately his inventiveness was a flash in the pan. Partial to an ale or 15 and running his mouth while under the influence. His farm's sinking at 2 parsecs p/s #sufc
Kylo Lampard - Entitled loser from Sith London, moody af he's related to everyone. Likes to stab people he loves. Thinks the whole world's against him and no one understands. Hates parties. Wears black to hide his weight problem, uses the force to hide his tears. #cfc
Lor San Celotti - Legendary traveller, no one's sure how old he is or what he's on about. Friends with all the Jedi but not one himself. Has a taste for the luxury and only takes the top jobs. More cups than the Cantina on Mos Eisley. Semi-retired to the cheap end of town. #EFC
Nuno Calrissian - "Kid, luck's got nothing to do with it" - Voted sexiest man in the galaxy, twice but that was a long, long time ago. From the São Tomé belt he smuggled the entire population of Portugal to Wolf Planet. Loves a card game, but only when he wins. Scoundrel. #wwfc
Pep Skywalker - Prophesised to balance the force, but actually a bit annoying. Anxious, high-pitched voice, loves the sound of himself. Resting confused face. Powerful but no one knows why. Weirder the older he gets. Terrible fashion sense. Epic training montage with Yoda. #mcfc
C3P-Potter - Manufactured in Solihull, well mannered robot, could be the nicest fella you've ever met or the most annoying and you're not sure which. Terrible in a tough spot. Spent too much time in the snow drifts in Östersund & you're pretty sure he's malfunctioning. #bhafc
Princess Parker Organa - From the Planet of Lambeth, the Princess is full of hope but needs rescuing constantly. Dodgy fashion. Has a secret crush on brother-in-law Harry Arter. Makes weird speeches, you're more confused at the end than the start. Looks up a lot. #FFC
Sith Lord Hodgson - Ancient, born before records began. From the Croydon Quadrant, gets in your ear but so desperate for a "W" he sticks them in anywhere. Needs skincare but you're not sure how to tell him. Acts deadly but a bit of a pushover in the end. #cpfc
Solskaerous Crumb - Monkey-Lizard from a deserted Ice planet. Pretends to be in charge but is just a front for a crime organisation. Voice like a teen who's balls are about to drop, face like a rotten sandwich. Sat on the bench all his life. Takes the credit, not the blame. #mufc
Yoda Bielsa - Mysterious and Mythological figure. Hundreds of years old and a teacher of many Jedis over the years. Talks in riddles for hours. Trains his students to near-death. Great with kids. Worshipped by some, the most unique being in the galaxy. #lufc
