Fuck me, I’m going to have to organize the other parents aren’t I

What do we want? For our kids not to be marked absent when they fail to troubleshoot the router

When do we want it? Fuck, I’d have thought it was a given that a seven year old hard rebooting was already enough?

As long as we want shit I’d also request:

-no more “hybrid” classes that interrupt distance routines for just long enough that we lose the betting pool on how many days until the school shuts down because a kid had kid ick but this year “ick” is actually “a deadly plague”

Speaking on behalf of parents who bought their small children computers that in any other world they might have gotten a few years from now

It’d be great if when they inevitably destroy the computers they weren’t academically docked

For the kids issued school laptops: triple it

Adults out here congratulating each other like yay look at you not giving into hopeless despair and dead today!

Kids: okay so we have to master this regular curricula, sporadically and remotely, and also if we fail to rise to this occasion we just fucked up being seven

Don’t worry they have not even considered suspending mandatory statewide testing

No child left behind and whatnot

I feel like it’s isn’t schools failing, or teachers or students

This is a fuck year and generally we either need a repeat or we need to stop worrying what they learned

Like yes, my seven year old can’t do a six hour zoom call

I barely make it half an hour myself on average

I basically think she should pass second grade if she doesn’t develop a drinking problem by May

And that’s the kid who’s gifted and basically compliant and reads five grade levels up

Her sister? The one whose whole day is fucked if morning does not start at precisely the second it’s meant to? The one who needs routine to survive?

Yeah that kid can explain fission and the laws of gravity but she’s failing science because they keep switching up her schedules or the zoom call opens late or it’s lagging and she’s terrified she’s somehow the problem

I bet she knows who canonically got hit with an apple

Also why am I worried about my kid passing science here where despite all available data they still won’t plan for remote learning through may

Like sometime before this quarter ends Tennessee will fix plague

Y’all can’t read three months forecasted data but kids need science?

I cannot be the only parent who, this time last year, would have lost the last shred of their mind had a kid rocked up with an F and this year I’m just sort of like “meh, it’s not like the grownups can judge you”

Did you try, really, appropriate to your age? Did you get away with exactly as much as any kid would? Also is it a complete societal meltdown and you’re faced with existential terror you can’t even articulate because you’re a literal child?

Okay one F. Just cause I’m nice.

Also one f because two grown adults, one of whom works in media and the other who was trained in sysadmin by the marine corps, also can’t figure out why the shit your zoom class won’t load

Like maybe if you’re ten and five grownups on three platforms can’t fix it