#Thread

Without realising it I often overdo things, which results in triumph or disaster, sometimes both.

Here are some personal, autistic reflections on a lifetime spent “overdoing it”.

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1/

The first time I remember overdoing it was revising for my first year exams at secondary school.

I’d been given a free place, and I was so intent on doing well that I was bent over my books for hours at a time.

As a result I injured my back and ended up missing the exams.

2/

This tendency to overwork, sometimes with disastrous consequences, has stayed with me for the rest of my life.

I’m not sure if the fear of doing badly, or the desire to legitimate my place in the world is the stronger factor.

3/

Overworking has a positive side too of course. I set about revising for my university final exams with forensic zeal.

I analysed all the questions that had been asked in the previous few years and made some tentative predictions about what might come up.

I got a first.

4/

I was unknown to most of the student cohort as we scanned our results, so I heard them speculating.

“Who’s the girl who got the first”
“The one who never speaks but is always smiling”
“No bloody wonder!”

This was benign, but “overdoing things” sometimes made me unpopular.

5/

There’s an unwritten rule in many work settings that you should keep pace with your colleagues and avoid over performing.

I sometimes find it difficult to hold myself back. This isn’t driven by competitiveness, but by my desire to realise my potential and do a good job.

6/

Maybe this is why I found academia liberating, the pursuit of personal excellence was allowed.

It was a slippery slope though. The high of focusing intensely on research and teaching was addictive. Sometimes I didn’t know when to stop.

7/