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i absolutely refuse to take a stance of "syskids can consent" because this situation is unbelievably complicated and 99.99% cannot. but i do want to help people understand the .01% so that they aren't bullied, and so the consenting partners aren't bullied or called pedos.
meet the (fictional) cera system. the cera system has a psychiatrist and is aware of 14 alters, 3 of which perceive themselves as under 18. one is 4 and non-sexual. one is 15 and hypersexual, and one is 16 and normal for their age.
the 15 year old has sexual trauma which has led to body image problems as well as difficulty with understanding autonomy. they cope by sleeping around, as the body is over 18 they can get away with making this choice despite secretly identifying as 15.
the cera system meets the (fictional) spark system. the spark system has one sexual syskid, another 15 year old in a similar position who also sleeps around using an 18+ body.
both syskids are already sexual and doing damage to the system by coping unhealthily.
both syskids are already sexual and doing damage to the system by coping unhealthily.
in therapy, both syskids attempt the "proper" methods to regain a sense of autonomy and process the trauma, but as the two systems become close, these syskids find each other to be safe. they stop sleeping around and instead develop a healthy relationship.
while they're 15 in alter years, they are alters, not real teens. they are traumatized parts who were not finding the help they needed in therapy but they find it in each other. they're watched over (with boundaries) by adult system members and guidance from psych for safety.
while it's always easy to say "just seek proper help and don't use sex to cope" in an argument on twitter, real life isn't that simple. life is extremely complex and system life is, no pun intended, multiple times more complicated.
we CANNOT shame or disown our vulnerable community members without understanding what they're going through, as if we automatically know their circumstances.
in reality, two 15 year old parts who were already sexual can consent with each other when it is actively healing them.
in reality, two 15 year old parts who were already sexual can consent with each other when it is actively healing them.
if you disagree, that's simply the nature of systemhood. it's complicated. there is no objective right or wrong, and in your system you may not allow this, but you don't know these two 15 year olds - you don't know their maturity or cognitive states, so how can you tell?
syskids often identify with an age but have a cognitive ability or maturity far past that point, because the age is only a metaphor or a placeholder for trauma. to conflate syskid age with real age when the syskid's brain is potentially adult-level mature simply isn't fair.
of course, as outsider we can never know which syskids are adult brained. that's the point. this discourse is not for a whole community to come to a concensus on, it's for the individual system to very carefully think through if they must.
we are mostly CSA victims here. i understand the need to protect children, to protect syskids, but we are inadvertently harming some syskids in our attempt and it's extremely sad to see syskids shamed, blocked, and harassed by people who don't know their situation.
just because they hear that a syskid is sexual. no context needed, just harassment. that's uncalled for.
it's also uncalled for to assume that partners of sexual syskids will be predatory, since they might also be syskids and you may not be privy to that info. just don't assume.
it's also uncalled for to assume that partners of sexual syskids will be predatory, since they might also be syskids and you may not be privy to that info. just don't assume.
if you see a specific case where a syskid is in an unhealthy relationship with as anyone else, speaking up on that is fine. but to take a black-and-white position on this whole entire topic and then become aggressive about it is not morally superior. it's not even protective.
it's alienating and shaming the .01% syskids who aren't doing anything wrong and who should be allowed to cope without their support community insisting they're experiencing trauma during something that's possibly healthy. that's horribly confusing and scary for the syskid.
essentially, the tl;dr is stop assuming you can make sweeping statements on syskids and their sexual activity, as well as their partners. unless you know the specific details to one case, there's NO room for more guilt and shame in a place meant to heal those feelings.
and the sub-message is that what's deemed morally okay is subjective despite the internet routinely insisting there is a hard objective line. there are grey areas and you must be able to accept that something that falls in a grey area as a "no" for you isn't "no" for all.
consent isn't a grey area, to be clear. real children can't consent. syskids can't consent to adults. these aren't exactly statements with exceptions, they're not grey areas. please do not take my sentiments out of context and assume i feel that consent is "floppy". it isn't.
