The story of the $5 Mystery Safe:

We’re moving. And as we were cleaning out and decluttering nooks and crannies, I found this old safe in the basement of our 130 year-old house.

It was locked. And I didn’t know the combination. In fact, it’s been over a decade since I even remembered it existed.

The safe was my parents growing up. And I promptly asked both for the combo. Neither of them knew...

I could have crowbarred or drilled it open. But I was pretty sure 1) it was empty, and 2) then it would be a busted safe nobody would ever take and how the hell would I ever get it out of the house before we move?

Oh, I neglected to mention it weighed 100 lbs. HEAVY

So I did what anyone would do...

I listed it as a “$5 Mystery Safe” on Facebook Marketplace.

At this point I should mention that I listed 45 other items on Facebook Marketplace last week, and it is both a magical platform that fosters reuse and sustainability of consumer goods to keep junk out of landfills AND basically a part time job to manage inquiries and no-shows.

So since nobody wants the FREE card table that’s been on my front porch for 10 days and had no less than 15 people say they were coming to get it, I wasn’t so sure if anyone would really show up and haul a 100 lb safe out of my basement for $5.

But I should never have doubted the power of the $5 Mystery Safe.

Within hours of posting I got a note from someone asking if it was still available and saying they would be at the house IN TEN MINUTES.

BOOM

A young man showed up by himself in a rusted out pickup truck. We both wore masks and walked around the house to the cellar entrance.

“Do you need a dolly or something to haul it out?” I asked, knowing this sucker is heavy.

“Nah,” he responds.

And then he LIFTS it up the stairs himself like it’s a case of paper towels. He rolls it over to his truck, LIFTS it into the bed, waves and drives off. Oh, but first he handed me a $5 bill.

So get this. Ten minutes later... 10 minutes later!!! He sent me a picture of what’s inside the safe.

So I should preface this that I had already promised my wife there was no money inside the forgotten basement safe.

Like, no way there was money in there. Surely not.

No way would I sell a safe full of money to a stranger on Facebook Marketplace for $5.

That would be dumb.

And yes, it turned out there was money inside.

In fact, a bag of money.

Here’s what he sent me.

My jaw dropped and I literally laughed out loud.

It’s a bag of copper pennies from my grandpa. And it looks like a $2 bill.

My grandpa died when I was pretty young, but he loved collecting coins and always seemed to have bags of copper pennies around, which anyone who grew up in the Depression era knows are worth more.

Based on some Google math, I learned a copper penny is roughly worth 1.7 cents. And a pound is roughly worth $2.79.

So assuming this is about a lb worth of pennies plus the $2 bill visible in the corner, this was worth $4.79.

Which means I cleared $.11 on the $5 mystery safe.

(Of course, maybe there was a silver dime or two in the bag. Maybe the $2 bill is worth $4. And the dude was probably going to scrap the heavy beast for some actual money... but the point was to get the forgotten safe OUT OF THE HOUSE)

Anyway, that’s the story of the $5 Mystery Safe.

The moral of the story is: write down the your safe combinations.

And they lived happily ever after without a 100 lb safe that they don’t know the combination for in their next home.

THE END.

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whoa - this blew up! Thanks for all the fun feedback. I hope you all find a $5 Mystery Safe of your own.

I don’t have a SoundCloud but I do send emails out 1x/week talking about what I’m into, social trends, etc. if you’re into that sort of thing... https://gregswan.substack.com/