Does your partner answer your phone without your permission?

That's abuse.

Just like happened to newly-elected Representative @CoriBush. Her experience captured in this @nytimes must-read article is textbook Domestic Violence that so few understand: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/22/us/cori-bush-fka-twigs-coercive-control.html?smtyp=cur&smid=tw-nytimesarts

Does your partner stand in the doorway when you try to leave?

That's abuse.

Does your partner berate you for how you fold the laundry, load the dishwasher, organize books?

That's abuse.

Does your partner demand you give them your paycheck?

That's abuse.

Does your partner tell you how easy it would be to stab you while they hold a knife?

That's abuse.

Does your partner call the person you are on the phone with, interrupting your conversation and forcing you to return your attention to them?

That's abuse.

(And was a favorite tactic of my sister's abuser/husband. I thought he was immature. Turns out he was an abuser.)

Does your partner throw plates, pots, pans, keys, books, etc. at you?

That's abuse.

Does your partner grab your car keys and/or phone out of your hand when you say that you just need to get some air?

That's abuse.

Does your partner show up at your work, the gym, out to dinner with friends unannounced and unwanted?

That's abuse.

Does your partner text you to tell you that the $20 bottle of wine you bought was too expensive, and you need to take it back and buy a $10 bottle?

That's abuse.

(and happened to one of the Distasteful Conversations podcast survivors whose husband set up an alert for any time she spent more the $0.99. No... seriously. Abusers love their control.)

Does your partner threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them?

That's abuse.

Does your partner threaten to kill your pets if you leave them?

That's abuse.

Does your partner call you a b*tch, c*nt, slut, or whore?

That's abuse.

Does your partner threaten to beat up the waiter, claiming they were staring at or flirting with you?

That's abuse.

Does your partner have sex with you when you are sleeping?

That's abuse. It's also rape.

And it happens to so so so many victims of Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence is so much more than black eyes, bruises, finger marks, cuts, etc. It is the destruction of your confidence; your autonomy; your worth. It is death by a 1,000 cuts. Sinister, sneaky, subtle... and often deadly.

Everyone should read this article to understand WHAT abuse looks like. If we have the LANGUAGE of abuse, we can stop it. No one helped me appreciate the importance of language more than @lacy_crawford's NOTES ON A SILENCING whose description of assault is painful yet empowering.

If we can only name Domestic Violence, we can end it. And this @nytimes article, quoting the power of @RLSWrites's NO VISIBLE BRUISES and sharing the story of @CoriBush gives so many of us the ability to name abuse. Thank you, Rep. Bush. You are saving lives.

If you are experiencing any of the above, know that you are not alone. I'm here. So are others. Reach out and we will help you get to safety; get to freedom; get to peace.

Forever for my sister, my hero, Kathleen (Rafferty) Petrocco, a documented victim of Domestic Violence.

@NCADV @LMC_Foundation @nnedv @nnedv @ViolenceFreeCO @MENDFamilyCourt @Voices_MA

Let's make sure that everyone has the language of abuse; the language to call out and end Domestic Violence.