This breaks my heart so much because I felt this way so much at that age. And still so many growing up in evangelical world that do. When you grow up in a system that brainwashes you to think it’s a sin to be gay and that God thinks gay is an abomination, this is what happens.
And when you grow up being brainwashed to think this, you are taught that the overwhelming sense of guilt you feel is “conviction”. But it’s not. It is the way your developing mind was trained in a spiritually oppressive and abusive system.
I couldn’t even talk about it, but I had this same “conviction”. I just thought if I was faithful to God then God would bless me and allow me to be straight, because I was taught that was God’s natural way. It took me so long to realize this was not from God at all.
When you teach this stuff to kids growing up you end up fucking up people’s lives. It’s spiritual abuse.
This is why we have to keep sharing our stories, so more young LGBTQ kids can find hope, find out they’re not alone and less kids can have to go through as much hell.
That is all I care about. It is why I tell my story, and it is why I will keep telling my story, so hopefully one day we won’t live in a world like that anymore.
Josh, I hope you don’t mind me sharing your video since you have it posted publicly, but I’m cheering you on, and every other kid like us. I hope you can come to know that you were made this way, you are loved exactly as you are, and you don’t need to be ashamed of who you are.
You can follow @treypearson.
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