black church is funny. i think about how when i was 14 years old, mother spotswood alice franklin said to me and my brother that she wanted us to put on a service//concert for the pastor’s aide as a fundraiser. she told us the date and let us handle the rest.

imagine a 14 year old that had, at best, a “that’s alright, baby” voice, a “bless your heart” voice—you know, good enough for the choir but wasn’t gonna have a career singing at all.

i chose the most hip songs young people were singing in the early 90s, like that w.g ovens and gladys westcott roberts hymn, “wounded for me” () and a duet with my momma, “because he lives.”

anyway. ronald went to college and the next year mother franklin still wanted the concert. i was excited. i invited a youth choir from another church but they didn’t show up.

i learned then it was bc you can’t do things janky. i asked a friend from school to ask their pastor and they did or didn’t, who knows. what i do know is that i frantically asked people—my cousin nadine, sister sheila houston and my momma (thank you! lol)—and they sang solos.

so the next year, i typed up a letter, sent it to that church and they said yes. and showed up. so we had more singers and a choir too.

the last concert i gave was in 98. i put together a choir, we sang a couple of songs. i invited a community choir and they sang a couple as well. it was a pretty big thing for a 17 year old to put on. very successful event.

and it was because mother franklin never told me what to do, who to invite, how to conduct the concerts. she literally trusted some kids to do it. and we did.

i’m thinking about her this morning because most of what i do—teaching, writing, art—is because i don’t know any better, i don’t know that i’m not supposed to do it, that i shouldn’t try. when i mess up, and i mess up often, i regroup, i think, and i return and try again.

and don’t be janky.

i wouldn’t have known i could direct a choir had i not had those concerts. i wouldn’t have started new spirit of penn a cupla months later at penn if not for those concerts. i wouldn’t have joined open door and been chosen to direct the youth choir if those concerts didn’t exist.

i wouldn’t have curated the various hammond organ sound events—antiphony, otherwise; friday night joy night—had it not been for those concerts.

much of my art practice, in other words, is a direct result of mother franklin thinking that i could and giving me time and space to try. my work, even in its very critical mode, is made possible because of the black church.

so i’m grateful. and i try to honor that world in my work. it’s what made me.