quite a few people have attempted to apologize to me lately for being transphobic, and failed to actually apologize properly, so here’s a thread on how to apologize when you misgender someone or say something transphobic unintentionally:

don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, especially if you are cisgender. you’re going to screw up. sometimes it will be directly with that person. say you’re sorry and do better next time.

when apologizing to a trans person, do NOT say things like “I would never intentionally ______” or “I’m sorry you felt this was transphobic” or “I’m sorry that’s how it came off.” no. apologize for what you did and not what was “perceived.” say “I am sorry.” three words.

saying “I’m sorry you feel like” is not a proper apology in any context. but in cases where you’ve been transphobic, even if you didn’t mean to, it’s really important to acknowledge that you did in fact screw up. that does not make you a bad person. it makes you human. own up.