A thread (and story) about managing with different cultural contexts.

Some of you immigrants/minorities will know what I'm talking about when I say that it took me maybe three decades to know how to answer: "What do you want? What do you care about?"

This seems like a staggeringly simple question in American society. But I'd freeze whenever someone asked me that.

And it came up all the time. When meeting new folks in college.

In a job interview.

When asked about my 3-5 year career plans.

If you come from an individualist culture, since you were a toddler people have asked you what you wanted, what makes you happy, etc.

But growing up in China, I was asked to consider: "What is appropriate to this context?" "What's best for this group?" "What does Person X need?"

So in my twenties, when my managers would ask me what my personal goals were, my answers always felt so complicated.

I'd say, "What does the company need from me?"

I'd say, "What can I do to help you?"

And they'd look at me like: "Uhh this is supposed to be about *you*."

But I didn't see myself as just "me!" I saw myself as a unit within the larger group!

As time passed, I've learned to be more individualistic. I admired the ease in which my colleagues knew themselves. And you become what you admire. But neither is better nor worse. It just is.

So. If you manage folks today, and you feel you aren't getting a rich, detailed answer to "What do you want?" or you feel you don't know their unique identity b/c they can't describe themselves, consider whether it might be because they come from a different cultural context.

(I am still discovering this lesson with my parents, btw. :)