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MYTH-BUSTING TIME: There is this widespread notion that vulva and/or vagina havers reach + experience orgasm differently than penis-havers, simply by merit of having those parts.
This is inaccurate. Or rather, it is a gross oversimplification of our physiology.
This is inaccurate. Or rather, it is a gross oversimplification of our physiology.
Before launching into this, I want to define explain the reasoning behind some terms that I use:
Estrogen-fueled people — individuals whose dominant sex hormone is estrogen
Testosterone-fueled people — individuals whose dominant sex hormone is testosterone
Estrogen-fueled people — individuals whose dominant sex hormone is estrogen
Testosterone-fueled people — individuals whose dominant sex hormone is testosterone
In speaking about our bodies, I believe it crucial to de-gender our language and be super specific and intentional in the language we use. When working to describe bodies, the question I often ask myself is, “What specifically am I trying to communicate here?”
Anyway—Hormones, far more than parts, determine how someone reaches and experiences orgasm; Estrogen-fueled bodies experience orgasm differently from testosterone-fueled bodies, independent of any anatomical differences between these bodies.
What’s wild to me is that literally no one told me this. To this day, I hear very few people talk about it, largely because discussions of sexual pleasure (especially for trans people, and especially especially for trans feminine people) are highly stigmatized.
I couldn’t orgasm for two years after starting GAHT (gender-affirming hormone therapy, previously called HRT). I literally just thought there was something wrong with my body—a thought that’s alarmingly common among women, and particularly among trans feminine people.
Turns out, I just had no idea that my body would work so differently from what I was used to.
First of all, estrogen-fueled bodies often require more full-body stimulation in order to reach orgasm. (ear-biting, nipple play, etc.)
First of all, estrogen-fueled bodies often require more full-body stimulation in order to reach orgasm. (ear-biting, nipple play, etc.)
Second, the penis and the clitoris are analogous structures—so, in much the same way that estrogen-fueled vulva-havers may require prolonged stimulation of the clitoris in order to orgasm, many estrogen-fueled penis-havers require prolonged stimulation of the head of the penis.
Third, estrogen fueled bodies are often far more sensual, and may require far more precise touch in order to feel sexual pleasure.
The location + type of touch varies by person.
The location + type of touch varies by person.
Much the same way that many estrogen-fueled vagina-havers cannot reach orgasm solely by way of penetration, many estrogen-fueled penis-havers cannot reach orgasm by the “grab it and tug” method or simply through penetration.
In fact, many trans feminine people (myself included) lose the ability to maintain an erection after being on estrogen, and thus are often unable to have penetrative sex without the addition of erectile dysfunction meds, such as Viagra.
Fourth, many estrogen-fueled people may need to feel mentally focused and/or present in order to reach orgasm.
Estrogen-fueled people also experience orgasm differently. Whereas testosterone-fueled people often experience orgasm as being very intensely centralized to the genitals, estrogen-fueled bodies often experience a more full-body sensation.
And before someone inevitably asks—yes, some estrogen-fueled penis-havers can have multiple orgasms in a row, while others cannot. The same is true of estrogen-fueled vulva-havers.
We need to share this information more readily—not only so trans folks know what to expect from our own bodies, but also so we don’t have to bear the sole burden of re-writing years of misinformation for each new partner.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had to say, “hey, it doesn’t work like that” and people have just recoiled in total surprise. It's gotten more than a tad bit overwhelming.
