I've been on twitter a lot less over the past four weeks, and that's a trend I am going to continue to extend.

Around the end of 2020, I dove into a series of texts in quick succession, starting with Atomic Habits. Together, they got me re-examining how this space impacts me.

Indistractable (Nir Eyal) introduced me to this idea that really shook things up for me: "All time management is pain management." My compulsion to doomscroll was emerging from a desire to avoid something else. It was a pain management strategy that caused me increased pain.

The next thing I read was a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, in which he talks about "the dream of hell" that we as domesticated humans are all constantly co-creating for one another. That idea moved me to examine where I was creating (and pushing) a dream of hell in my own life.

I realized that at any given moment, I do not have the capacity to simultaneously brace for, process, and meaningfully respond to a chaotic cycle of: rape allegations, apocalyptic news, community implosions, jokes, trauma venting, bombings, joyful life updates, & critical theory.

The next thing I engaged with was a MuchelleB workbook that talked about anti-visions: detailing the worst possible outcomes for a given endeavor. I wrote some anti-visions for my life five years from now. And then I examined what conditions would ensure they came to pass.

All of these reflections, paired with the tools in Atomic Habits and Indistractable, moved me to change my digital environment. Feeds are disabled on my twitter and facebook now, on my desktop and tablet. I can't access the sites without naming an intention. There is a timer.

The biggest thing I've noticed: accessing twitter and facebook for a combined total of 5-7 minutes per day, with zero access to feeds, feels optimal for me.

I can still access feeds on a final device, if I choose to. But now that scrolling is no longer part of my baseline...

I'm able to better track what scrolling the twitter timeline does to my body now. Y'all, it fucks me up. I spend the next few hours in a heightened state of anxiety and irritability. My shoulders ache. I tend to lose track of time and fall out of flow with the tempo of my day.

I've also been realizing that the energy I have previously spent trying to manage an extensive network of stressful quasi-social relationships was sapping my interest in proactively deepening rewarding and truly social relationships.

Today, I set out a significant time block to write this because I have gotten numerous messages of concern about my absence, and I wanted to share: friends, it is a happy absence. I still check my notifications and send off a tweet periodically, but being here less feels better.

Anyways, love to all here! Keep doing whatever works best for your heart and your community.

For me, I realized that persistent engagement with this space makes me feel upset, and I don't want to make myself feel upset if it isn't actually going to lead to growth or change.