I'm sick an tired of people asking me about my thoughts and feelings on all 50 U.S. state flags. I'm only going to do this once. I will henceforth direct all inquires about my state flag opinions to this thread

Without further ado, my definitive ranking of every U.S. state flag:

50. Georgia -- This design is literally the first national flag of the Confederacy, with the Georgia state seal inside the ring of stars. It's baffling that they still fly this flag, and it should be changed immediately.

49. Alabama -- This boring piece of shit is based on the Confederate battle flag of the 60th Alabama Infantry Regiment. DUMP IT.

48. Florida -- Holy shit, who could have guessed, another Southern state with Confederate imagery in their state flag? Apparently, their giant red X honors their history as a Spanish colony, but, I mean, come on. Look at this ugly thing

47. North Carolina -- This thing is all over the place. First, it honors the Mecklenburg Declaration of Independence, which is like a weird theory that we declared independence a year before we actually did. Also, the other date on it used to commemorate secession instead of 1776

46. Arkansas -- This good ole boy just makes me feel icky and sicky inside

45. Tennessee -- Starting to sense a trend in the south? This, apparently, has nothing to do with the Confederacy. The stars represent the three geographic regions of the state. But, again, look at this thing. Yuck

44. Maryland -- I'm personally devastated to learn the red and white banner in this flag was the Marylanders' battle flag to fight with the Confederacy. I wish it wasn't so, cause otherwise this thing would whip ass. What a psychotic color scheme and design choice

43. Illinois -- Illinois shouldn't be allowed to have a state flag if this is the best they could do. This is like a page from a propagandist coloring book meant to teach children in USSR about American freedom. What a lame state flag.

42. Idaho -- Who is responsible for this? It literally says "STATE OF IDAHO" twice. It would honestly be better to just fly a solid brown bedsheet and tell everyone it honors Idaho's majestic potato farms

41. Minnesota -- What in the world is going on here? If you erased the "MINNESOTA," I would have guessed this was the flag that L. Ron Hubbard flew in his SeaOrg boat

40. Massachusetts -- Talk about a snoozefest. I also feel like there are better ways to honor the native Algonquin tribe than to just draw a Native American on your flag, especially juxtaposed with the latin phrase, "By sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty."

39. Oregon -- Don't TELL me you're Oregon. SHOW me you're Oregon.

38. Wisconsin -- This is a placemat from a greasy diner near Bemidji. I understand they didn't have photoshop in the 1800's but put a lil effort into it, Wisconsin. Bonus points for the cute lil beaver

37. Utah -- In 2011, they unveiled this boring scrap of fabric, dumbing down a design from the 1900s to make it cheaper to print. What an incredibly stupid way to save a few dollars

36. Connecticut -- The latin means, "He who transplanted sustains," which leads me to believe the plan for Connecticut all along was to become the state where all the richest people in the world move to for some reason

35. Delaware -- Sign Of The Beefcarver-looking ass flag

34. Kentucky -- That's Daniel Boone shaking hands with Kentucky's richest man, Henry Clay. If they were to make a 2020 version, it would be Bear Grylls shaking hands with Mitch McConnell.

33. Nebraska -- There is so much going on here, you almost have to let your eyes go lazy, like looking at one of those pixel art posters. I love that it says, "Equality Before The Law." What a badass phrase to have on a state flag

32. Montana -- Almost everything I know about Montana, I learned from The Oregon Trail, which is why this flag is so wholly appropriate for Montana.

31. Kansas -- "TO THE STARS THROUGH DIFFICULTIES." Hell yeah, Kansas. I GET that energy, dude. Also, cool sunflower. Also, I'm getting bored of flags with the name of the state emblazoned in massive capital letters

30. South Dakota -- What's the one thing everyone knows about you, South Dakota? Oh yeah, better go ahead and throw "THE MOUNT RUSHMORE STATE" on there. Another flag with the state's name on it twice. Cool colors and pleasing arrangement, tho

29. Vermont -- Their original flag was the banner used by Ethan Allen's Revolutionary War-era militia, The Green Mountain Boys. Vermont should immediately go back to using The Green Mountain Boys flag. This one is.... fine.

28. Maine -- this middle section is dedicated to all the boring states who slapped their state seal on a plain banner and called it a day

27. Pennsylvania -- Bonus points for including the incredibly threatening giant horses that you must gather the courage to pass in order to enter the hallowed halls of P.F. Chang's.

26. Missouri -- Very clean nod to Missouri's history as part of the French Louisiana territory. Also, an incredible homage to one of my favorite dance music acts, The 2 Bears

25. New Hampshire -- love the boat, sailing under a setting sun. The crest feels very naval. I'm into it. I would absolutely put this patch on a jean jacket.

24. New York -- This feels like the logo for a cult that starts off really fun until the leader gets hooked on diet pills and goes gun crazy. EXCELSIOR!

23. West Virginia -- Bonus points for unique design. I love the rhododendron wreathes. It's the only U.S. flag with guns on it, which feels supremely West Virginian. And the guns are a nod to state civilians who took up arms to defend the union.

22. Oklahoma -- I love a good, clean flag design. It's a nod to Oklahoma's native american history without feeling exploitive. There's also two signs of peace, crossing in the middle: a traditional olive brand and a ceremonial pipe

21. Ohio -- Bonus points for originality, but this thing is butt-ass ugly. There are thought to be just two official flags in the whole world with this shape: Ohio and Nepal

20. North Dakota -- this is cheesy, but like in a good way? That eagle is carrying olive branches and arrows, like "I want some peace and quiet, but I won't hesitate to throw these weapons of someone gets outta line."

19. Colorado -- I appreciate a unique design. I appreciate the colors that all mean something specific and special to the state. In the end, it just doesn't POP, yah know?

18. Iowa -- I feel like this is too cool a flag for Iowa. Love the French design to honor Iowa's part in the Louisiana Purchase. Love the banner the eagle is holding. This is a good flag.

17. Nevada -- BATTLE BORN. Stark, simple, powerful. Rad, sexy, cool

16. Hawaii -- Incredible flag energy. This is one of two U.S. state flags that was previously flown as a national flag. It was the official flag of the Kingdom Of Hawaii before Hawaii became a state. Also, it's the only U.S. flag to contain a foreign flag, the Union Jack

15. Virginia -- the only U.S. flag to depict nudity, so hell yah. Virtue, with one boob out, is stomping all over Tyranny, and Tyranny can't don't anything about it.

14. New Jersey -- Maybe our weirdest flag. The color is called Buff (buff?). Liberty is hanging out with a weird hat on a stick. Ceres, goddess of fertility, is rocking a crazy cornucopia. Horse head. Absurd diving helmet. A crest with three of the same plow. Bizarre. I love it

13. Washington -- Another flag with a unique color scheme, which really pops here. The green is for the emerald rolling fields of rural Washington, which is great. And who wouldn't love a portrait of George Washington, who couldn't have less to do with the state named after him?

12. Michigan -- Completely unbiased opinion, obviously. This shit rocks. Cool deer, and it says "If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you," in latin. Good flag.

11. Mississippi -- More southern states should follow Mississippi, who finally scrubbed their state flag of Confederate imagery this summer and unveiled this beautiful banner in late 2020. The Magnolia flower is a great touch. I'm so happy they changed it and the new design rocks

10. Wyoming -- This is how you do it, folks. Crazy thick borders. A generic silhouette of a giant animal synonymous with your state. This rules

9. Texas -- The other U.S. state flag that has, at one time, flown as a national flag. I feel like Texas NAILED its own aesthetic with this. Lone Star State. If you only know one state flag besides your own, it's almost assuredly this one.

8. Rhode Island -- HOPE!!! What a nice lil quaint flag for what I assume is a nice lil quaint state. R.I. is the 13th state ratified, hence the stars. And the color scheme sets it apart from all 50 other flags and feels very appropriate for an ocean-faring state

7. South Carolina -- I wish all 50 states found some stark imagery that represents their state as well as this. This is a great flag, and it screams SOUTH CAROLINA, without having to type in out in script as so many other state flags do. Palm trees deserve to be celebrated

6. California -- Whereas the Missouri flag went more bears, California focused on quality over quantity and boy oh boy, did they deliver. This is.... dare I say.... Iconic?

5. Indiana -- The flag might very well be the single best thing about the entire state of Indiana.

4. Alaska -- So simple and easy, yet so perfect and powerful. With just eight well-placed stars, this flag manages to celebrate all the wonderful things Alaska has to offer. Amazing flag.

3. Arizona -- Gorgeous, unique, meaningful. The copper star represents Arizona's vast copper mines. The red and yellow sky celebrate Arizona's desert beauty. And the blue is just kinda a crazy choice that really makes it pop. Love it

2. New Mexico -- Stunning and so perfect for New Mexico. The color scheme is amazing. The Zia Sun design is a wonderful tribute to the area's history. Simple, perfect.

1. Louisiana -- I dare you to find me another official flag from anywhere in the world that depicts a momma bird puking blood into her baby birds' eagerly awaiting beaks. What an absolutely wild and disgusting choice for a state to make, but I am obsessed. Go momma pelican, go!

There. Now y'all can QUIT ASKING

For transparency's sake, because I did rank Louisiana No. 1, I wanted to make it known that I do have the blood-puking pelican hanging in my Vibe Den