i think the "overly confrontational" stage of transition is actually a really healthy and necessary step where we learn to assert our identities and police/discover their boundaries and stop apologizing for being trans. but i *also* think it has limited utility past year 2.

Limited, not zero. Let's be clear about that. but i worry it hinders our growth into integrated people by keeping the *act of transition* at the forefront of how to conceptualize ourselves.

Healthy *for me* has meant letting transness recede in importance in the hierarchy of my self-conceptualization. Yes, I'm trans, and that matters, but it's been great not Constantly Thinking About Gender, and I think the years of aggressive pushing forestalled a lot of growth...

...by insisting upon anger where, in fact, anger would do me no good. I have had to learn to use my anger judiciously where it could help and to let it go where it can't.

I've landed on a simple compromise: literally all I ask is to be treated with respect and for my name and pronouns to be used when I'm in the room.

the rest is just heat dissipating into space.