Chaos reins in the Archer household. To set the scene I need to provide the background.

People may remember our dog has a friend who visits from time to time, that dog is a Heinz 57 but friendly and until today always welcome. They chase toys together in the garden..

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.. and during the summer swam together in the pool and the river. This morning my wife had set out some lamb she was preparing and foolishly left the kitchen door open while she went down to the cellar. Said visiting dog was in like Flint, grabbed the lamb and was off.

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Our dog was not sure what to do. He recognised this was wrong but was I think caught up in the excitement of the deed. He too galloped off barking enthusiastically. Other dog was down through our kitchen garden, breaking plants while trailing an Ariadne's thread of fresh lamb

I was in my study, researching the Battle of Arras when I heard the shouts. I emerged to see my wife and both daughters in hot pursuit, of what at this stage I knew not but as a good husband and father I joined the melee. I called out,
"why is there meat everywhere.....

.. have we been robbed?" My daughter shouted back,

"it's the dogs bloody friend, he's got the lamb" An unusual sentence I thought to myself as I joined the hunt but I felt I was all in now so I quickened my pace. Calls to our dog were ignored, he was by now having a great day

My wife, a keen 400m runner in her youth was making up ground as the dog struggled to retain his prize and keep up speed. My daughters continued to call to our dog, I concentrated on the fact my shoes were not tied properly and I was in imminent danger of going as my late..

..Grandfather would say "arse over tit". I saw my wife gaining ground, the dog now tripping once or twice on some bone that had become loose and was hanging down by his front paws. With a spectacular dive, worthy of JPR Williams in his prime she made contact, grabbed him..

.. by the back legs and bought him to the ground. He was not pleased and attempted to bite her but his mouth was still full of his prize. With a well timed arrival our dog joined the party, his contribution being enthusiastic barking an tail wagging, for him this was .....

..the best game in a long time. Our daughters were also soon there and a Mexican standoff ensued as dog attempted to maintain his grip on the meat while attacking anyone who got to close. It was my eldest daughter who solved the crises, she picked up an old bucket.....

.. that was full of rainwater and emptied it over him (plus most of her mother's legs). He sped away, our dog barked with joy, my wife fell to the floor laughing. I ran up and adopted a nonchalant composure,
"So, all ok now?". Both daughter's doubled over with laughter.....

.. as we walked back to the house I asked the obvious question,

"What's for dinner ?

She threw the lamb at me.