On the subject of Trumpy moments, the one that still burns in my chest like an undigested lump of gristle is Christine Blasey Ford testifying at Kavanaugh's confirmation hearing. I can still bring tears of frustration & fury to my eyes thinking about it.

More than any other episode, that one reinforced to me that the right & I are literally experiencing different worlds. The differences are way deeper than ideology or policy -- gut-level, brain-stem deep.

I've never really written about it because even now I feel like I lack the words. It's just, I know that guy, Kavanaugh. I've known guys like that my whole life. Blithe & entitled, winy & aggrieved, outraged at the very thought of accountability. "I like beer & chicks, hur hur."

And even moreso, I know that woman, Ford. The kind of woman who has been dealing with handsy white-guy mediocrities her whole life, who has responded by throwing herself into the work, dotting the i's & crossing the t's, meeting the benchmarks, being so conscientious ...

... because, in a world run by men, the quality of her own work is the only thing she can control. Watching that woman dragged before a panel of white Senate men who *literally needed a female interlocutor to communicate with her*. Watching her risk her reputation & life ...

... on the hope that truth & accountability might matter, that it's worth trying. And then she found out, in the most brutal terms, no, they still don't matter. Even at the very top, it's a boy's club & they favor the beer-drinking bro.

I dunno, I could go on about it forever & never capture it. It was just such a perfect clash of archetypes. And millions of men -- men I know & love! -- just instantly, unreflectively sided with him. I don't think anything in the Trump years depressed me more, for longer .

I won't rant forever, just adding: when I watched Kavanaugh & Ford, I thought, "what if I were a hiring manager at a company & they were applicants?" You know the Kavanaugh guy will be an abrasive dick who interrupts & expects undue credit & makes his employees miserable w/ ego.

And you know Ford will do good work (even though she won't brag or demand credit). She'll be a team player, get along w/ everyone, & probably do thoughtful shit like bringing co-workers cupcakes on their birthdays.

Of COURSE, if you're a practical person who cares about performance, you hire the Ford. Yet somehow when it comes to leadership, to the highest & most important work, we choose toxic masculinity. We choose assholes we wouldn't hire to do our f'ing taxes!

And, very predictably, they perform horribly! They're dumb & abrasive & unimaginitive & they blame everyone else for their failures. It's all so obvious, and yet there it was, a distilled morality play about the whole thing, and it showed that nothing has changed. Uuuugh.

If I had to boil my entire goddamn political worldview down to one line, it would be about getting Kavanaughs out of positions of power and Fords into them.

Now I've worked myself up all over again & gotta go walk the dog to chill out. </fin>