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I have had SO many Findom Goddess January 2021s in My DMs lately.
I'm generally happy to help new Dommes get their footing... but this has become way too much.
So here is a quick run down of the basics:
I'm generally happy to help new Dommes get their footing... but this has become way too much.
So here is a quick run down of the basics:
Get a ring light or proper lighting equipment. You might not want to spend the $75-$100 up front. Well that sucks, bite the bullet and pay up.
You are talking about creating a brand! Don't cheap out on yourself. It will pay itself off if you have better content.
You are talking about creating a brand! Don't cheap out on yourself. It will pay itself off if you have better content.
Clean your room up and make your bed before making content. Nobody wants to see your dirty laundry etc. Full stop.
If you choose to edit your pictures, do so tastefully. Your subs want to see what the real you looks like. You don't need a ton of filters and effects. We all get tired of seeing too much of that on here. Show us your authentic self!
Watermark everything. Admittedly I knew all along I should have, but often was too lazy to do it. Yeah... you'll regret it too when someone tells you someone else has uploaded your content to pornhub.
Just put the time in from the beginning and get in to the routine of it.
Just put the time in from the beginning and get in to the routine of it.
RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH.
Explore the world of BDSM. Get off Twitter because it's a fishbowl and learn from outside sources.
Figure out what kinks you're into. Figure out what your hard limits are. Subs will try and push up against you all the time. Establish boundaries.
Explore the world of BDSM. Get off Twitter because it's a fishbowl and learn from outside sources.
Figure out what kinks you're into. Figure out what your hard limits are. Subs will try and push up against you all the time. Establish boundaries.
I'm going to say this one loud and clear:
THIS IS NOT EASY MONEY.
THIS IS NOT FREE MONEY.
THIS IS SEX WORK.
SEX WORK IS HARD WORK.
If you NEED the money this probably isn't the place for you. Nothing in findom is stable. I'd recommend looking to support yourself some other way.
THIS IS NOT EASY MONEY.
THIS IS NOT FREE MONEY.
THIS IS SEX WORK.
SEX WORK IS HARD WORK.
If you NEED the money this probably isn't the place for you. Nothing in findom is stable. I'd recommend looking to support yourself some other way.
If you are planning on setting up an OnlyFans account and thinking you will make money then let Me burst your bubble. There isn't much of an "explore" option on OnlyFans, so it is entirely up to you to promote yourself and bring in subscribers. They don't help you with anything.
You are going to spend literally HOURS and HOURS everyday on your phone and on your computer doing the not so fun aspects of sex work: networking, organizing, editing & uploading content, promoting yourself, and scrolling through engagement groups.
There will be a time when you probably even get minor tendinitis from the amount you're on your phone. Yup, happened to Me once 
But in reality, you need to be prepared to be online A LOT. It's unhealthy and hard on the head sometimes. You will constantly be checking for notifications because this industry is 24/7 and it doesn't sleep. You will feel like any time you're not available is lost income.
As a new Domme, you are going to get scammed, manipulated, degraded and have your time wasted over and over again. You will eventually be able to pick up on who is authentic and who isn't.
Rule of thumb: If it seems too good to be true, it is!
Anyone offering you more money than you think something is worth is most likely trying to scam you.
This is why We ask for a tribute before subs approach and make sure they pay it so you know they truly want to please you.
Anyone offering you more money than you think something is worth is most likely trying to scam you.
This is why We ask for a tribute before subs approach and make sure they pay it so you know they truly want to please you.
On that note, if you are going to do a cashmeet, or IRL or Skype session make sure you get a deposit before hand. If you don't, they will most likely ghost on you. Or they'll show up and try and haggle your price.
Establish cost & expectations beforehand.
Get deposit ALWAYS.
Establish cost & expectations beforehand.
Get deposit ALWAYS.
Haha this one makes me LOL every time. If a sub wants to play a RT game and it's something large like $10/$10/$10 for anything more than an hour or two... hate to break it to you sis, but you are NOT getting your money.
Instead you are just offering up free kink basically.
Instead you are just offering up free kink basically.
If I have more thoughts I'll post them in the comments. But I wanted to bring things around a little bit to the positive side of things!
Being a successful FinDomme is utterly AMAZING. Very little will bring you such a thrill as getting your first large tribute.
Being a successful FinDomme is utterly AMAZING. Very little will bring you such a thrill as getting your first large tribute.
It is incredible to be able to:
- Work for yourself and choose your own hours & availability.
- Emphasize a sexual side of yourself that you can't in many other aspects of society.
- Feel empowered by showcasing the beautiful, dominant, and in control Woman that you are.
- Work for yourself and choose your own hours & availability.
- Emphasize a sexual side of yourself that you can't in many other aspects of society.
- Feel empowered by showcasing the beautiful, dominant, and in control Woman that you are.
The job is very rewarding in so many ways! But yes, it is a job.
You're going to make tons of friends and find networks of support you didn't even know existed.
But at the end of the day, you'll be putting in tons of hours and working your butt off to be successful!
You're going to make tons of friends and find networks of support you didn't even know existed.
But at the end of the day, you'll be putting in tons of hours and working your butt off to be successful!
Oh, and a friendly reminder: Don't EVER approach an owned sub. Not to RT, or play a game or tribute. Nothing.
If they are allowed and want to engage with your content, they will. But just don't approach them.
If they are allowed and want to engage with your content, they will. But just don't approach them.
In fact... generally don't approach any sub.
AVOID BAITY TWEETS LIKE THE PLAGUE.
They might look like promising subs, but they're probably not. Or maybe they're actually proper paypigs but that doesn't mean they'll be into your aeshethic/look.
Just do you, and they'll do them.
AVOID BAITY TWEETS LIKE THE PLAGUE.
They might look like promising subs, but they're probably not. Or maybe they're actually proper paypigs but that doesn't mean they'll be into your aeshethic/look.
Just do you, and they'll do them.
There's definitely more. But at least now that's a starting point so I have a place to send everyone in My DMs.
If any other Dommes want to hop on with suggestions or to argue any of My points then feel free!
findom | femdom
If any other Dommes want to hop on with suggestions or to argue any of My points then feel free!
findom | femdom
Okay, more thoughts while I was making dinner!
...
The thread continues
...
The thread continues
I figured this goes without saying, but no, that's probably not the case.
Be absolutely VIGILANT about safety.
Your safety IRL.
Your safety online.
Your sub's safety IRL.
Your sub's safety online.
Be absolutely VIGILANT about safety.
Your safety IRL.
Your safety online.
Your sub's safety IRL.
Your sub's safety online.
Your safety IRL
- Never meet for a cash meet or session alone with a sub, until you have had enough experiences with them to trust them.
- Make sure a friend or partner or someone knows where you are at all times.
- Don’t let a sub serve you at home until you REALLY trust them.
- Never meet for a cash meet or session alone with a sub, until you have had enough experiences with them to trust them.
- Make sure a friend or partner or someone knows where you are at all times.
- Don’t let a sub serve you at home until you REALLY trust them.
Your safety online
There is SO much to say here that goes far beyond findom. Perhaps you want to jump on the Sex Workers subreddit for all the good advice on how to make sure your identity is protected.
There is SO much to say here that goes far beyond findom. Perhaps you want to jump on the Sex Workers subreddit for all the good advice on how to make sure your identity is protected.
Your safety online, in short:
- Obviously never tell someone (sub or Domme) your name or too much information about your vanilla life. There have been MANY cases of Dommes doxxing other Dommes.
- Come up with a whole secondary email that you set up all your accounts through.
- Obviously never tell someone (sub or Domme) your name or too much information about your vanilla life. There have been MANY cases of Dommes doxxing other Dommes.
- Come up with a whole secondary email that you set up all your accounts through.
Your safety online, (cont'd):
- Use a different password than what you use for your vanilla life.
- Like @LordGoddessM said, invest in a VPN to make sure you're on a private network.
- Always be aware of identifying information or locations in the background of your photos.
- Use a different password than what you use for your vanilla life.
- Like @LordGoddessM said, invest in a VPN to make sure you're on a private network.
- Always be aware of identifying information or locations in the background of your photos.
Your safety online, (cont'd 2):
I could really go on and on here on this topic.
But mostly USE COMMON SENSE and unfortunately, don't trust anyone lol.
I could really go on and on here on this topic.
But mostly USE COMMON SENSE and unfortunately, don't trust anyone lol.
Your sub's safety IRL
You know when people talk about BDSM and establishing a safe word and providing after care? Yeah, well that's because that applies in every single situation, no ifs, ands or buts.
Make sure you know what your sub is comfortable with from the beginning.
You know when people talk about BDSM and establishing a safe word and providing after care? Yeah, well that's because that applies in every single situation, no ifs, ands or buts.
Make sure you know what your sub is comfortable with from the beginning.
Your sub's safety online
Everything I mentioned above get's very very very complicated in online findom.
There is a lot to learn about establishing safe play in online sessions. Consent in online findom often seems to be out the window. It can be quite alarming! This is not ok.
Everything I mentioned above get's very very very complicated in online findom.
There is a lot to learn about establishing safe play in online sessions. Consent in online findom often seems to be out the window. It can be quite alarming! This is not ok.
Subs often fantasize about large debt contracts or having their bank account totally drained.
The reality of how this feels is VERY different from the fantasy of it. And while we all want you to secure your bag, you need to make sure that you have some ethics in place.
The reality of how this feels is VERY different from the fantasy of it. And while we all want you to secure your bag, you need to make sure that you have some ethics in place.
It doesn't really feel that sexy, but I strongly recommend establishing limits from the very start of what a sub can send to you during a given allotted time.
For instance, if a sub wants to be committed, I make them fill out an application to be considered.
For instance, if a sub wants to be committed, I make them fill out an application to be considered.
I make them state and consent to how much they can plan to send each week.
They also have the option to decided whether they're in agreeance with some random sends or reimbursement requests as well.
Its helpful because this way both parties know what to expect from each other.
They also have the option to decided whether they're in agreeance with some random sends or reimbursement requests as well.
Its helpful because this way both parties know what to expect from each other.
There is a whole other slew of info you should research regarding general BDSM consent and safety (especially if you plan to offer Femdom or other sessions,) but I'm focusing mostly on financial consent because we are discussing findom and I don't think it's touched on enough.
There can be a lot of difficult feelings that come up for a sub.
Shame, regret, remorse, feeling inept etc, and from what I hear that's a lonely existence with those feelings. They feel like they have no one to talk to because the kink is so taboo.
You need to learn to support.
Shame, regret, remorse, feeling inept etc, and from what I hear that's a lonely existence with those feelings. They feel like they have no one to talk to because the kink is so taboo.
You need to learn to support.
I wrote a whole other word vomit thread last week on mental health in findom. Here it is:
https://twitter.com/EmpressDionysus/status/1348985744057110529?s=20
I recommend reading, if I may say so Myself.
https://twitter.com/EmpressDionysus/status/1348985744057110529?s=20
I recommend reading, if I may say so Myself.
Okay once again I could keep going and going. But I need to go to sleep, that's where I need to go.
IN SHORT: TIDY UP YOUR ROOM (ha), DON'T TRUST ANYONE, PRACTICE CONSENT AND ENJOY EMBRACING YOUR POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, DOMINANT SELF!
Now let's all make bank!
IN SHORT: TIDY UP YOUR ROOM (ha), DON'T TRUST ANYONE, PRACTICE CONSENT AND ENJOY EMBRACING YOUR POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, DOMINANT SELF!
Now let's all make bank!
