SHIT I NEED THIS OLD MAN TO DELIVER ON:

1. I NEED THAT GODDAMN VACCINE SO I CAN GO TO FLORIDA & SEE MOM WITHOUT FUCKING DYING

2. I WANT $2000 IN CASH

3. GIVE US A PUBLIC FUCKING OPTION SO I CAN BUY INTO MEDICARE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE MY MONEY IS AS GOOD AS SOME 90 YEAR OLD FUCK'S https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1351946842838347776

4. GET THE GODDAMN TEACHERS VACCINATED SO ALL THESE KIDS CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF THEIR PARENTS TINY APARTMENTS AND GET BACK INTO DAYCARE I MEAN "SCHOOL"

5. CUT MY TAXES AND RAISE SOME RICH FUCK'S TAXES BECAUSE FUCK THAT GUY

6. RAISE THE GODDAMN MINIMUM WAGE WORKING AT MCDONALDS SUCKS ASS THEY SHOULD BE PAID MORE FOR THE SHIT THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH FROM BOOMERS SCREAMING THAT THEIR COFFEE ISN'T HOT ENOUGH OR THAT THEIR MCMUFFINS ARE TOO "EGGY"

7. FALL DOWN ONCE ON CAMERA SO WE CAN MEME IT

8. BRING BACK THOSE PENS WHERE WHERE YOU TURN THEM UPSIDEDOWN THE LADYS CLOTHES FALL OFF

9. REMEMBER THOSE COOL IRAQ WAR PLAYING CARD DECKS WHERE SADAAM HUSSEIN WAS THE ACE OF SPADES? BRING THOSE BACK THOSE WERE FUN

10. USE THE DEFENSE PRODUCTION ACT TO BRING BACK THE DREAMCAST

11. SIGN A LAW TO MAKE THIS YEAR'S SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS EXTRA "BASED"

12. SIGN A LAW TO MAKE PEOPLE LISTEN TO MY PODCAST

12. MAKE IT SO THAT ALL GARBAGE BAGS AND GARBAGES ARE STANDARDIZED SO YOU DON'T BUY 100 GARBAGE BAGS THAT DON'T FIT & JUST GOTTA USE THEM TIL THEY'RE GONE

14. GET RID OF THE NUMBER 13 IT'S TOO SPOOKY