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I often see misinformation and stigma around bpd. So here’s a thread on what it’s really like to live with bpd - with some MYTH busters. (bpd is a ‘spectrum’ and no two people will have the exact same symptoms).
Firstly, anyone can get bpd. It’s not fully understood what the cause is, although it’s heavily linked to traumatic childhood experiences (abuse, neglect, long-term fear, unsafe home etc). However, ppl with a good childhood can also be diagnosed!
People with BPD usually battle suicidal thoughts, it’s like it’s part of every day life. But when they say they’re feeling suicidal, they truly are. #bpd
Ppl with #BPD feel emotions on an intensely extreme level, usually these are on the extremes of EVERYTHING IS GREAT or EVERYTHING IS BAD. Positive and negative feelings are equally draining.
We struggle with black & white thinking with people around us. When someone is kind, we see them as ‘all good’, if they upset us we see them as ‘all bad’.We can switch from deep love to feelings of hatred. We don’t actually hate you, we just experience feelings THAT strongly #bpd
We’re constantly fearing abandonment even if we don’t realise it. We can even make up scenarios in our minds that somebody hates us and is going to leave, it can feel like a real break up. We question if our thoughts are real or not. That’s why we seek a lot of reassurance. #bpd
We’re hyper aware of people’s actions, behaviour changes, tone of voice changes etc. Any change that could POSSIBLY mean you’re upset/mad at us/going to leave. We misinterpret them a lot and feel guilty for it. We’re just terrified of being rejected. #bpd
We have times where we feel like we’re not in control, we’re watching someone else run the show. We’re aware we’re making bad decisions but we can’t stop it. #bpd
Due to our fear of rejection, we can be scared to let people in or we can be the one to push someone we love away before they can reject us (even if they’re actually not going to leave) our minds tell us they are #bpd
We can get overwhelming intrusive thoughts at random. Telling us bad things about ourselves. After a while you start to believe it and can really spiral into deep depression. It can all happen so quickly. #bpd
After a fight (even a minor one) we feel upset at you AND at ourselves. Our reactions seem exaggerated but we’re in real pain. In our minds we’re now having a 2nd fight, telling ourselves how bad we are, that we don’t deserve to live. It can seem like we ‘make it about us’. #bpd
We never know what the next hour will hold, never mind the day. It’s like other people control our emotions and can trigger low or high moods. Our moods can drastically change instantly. #bpd
We can have impulsive moods. We’re often aware but can’t stop ourselves. Bad decision making, overspending, drinking/drug use, unsafe choices etc. When we ‘snap out of it’ we may feel guilty and annoyed at ourselves. #bpd
We’re painfully aware of what we’re doing/saying, but it’s like our brains won’t let us think differently/change our actions in that moment. #bpd
We can have highs of feeling really ambitious, we will feel motivated, plan our whole future/career and make impulsive decisions. Then hours or days later decide we don’t want to do that at all! #bpd
We can fall for people really quickly and truly believe they’re our soul mate. We see them as perfect. Then suddenly our world crashes around us and we feel so stupid for believing that. #bpd
We constantly question if our thoughts are right. Am I interpreting this right? Is my response warranted? Am I overreacting?
Never knowing for sure is really tiring. #bpd
Never knowing for sure is really tiring. #bpd
People think we can ‘cry on command’ but we can’t, what we can do is instantly get extremely upset and cry in distress. Our emotions are very real. #bpd
A common myth is lack of empathy. I’m not sure why that is because people with bpd often really care about how others feel. When someone is upset it often upsets us. Knowing we’ve upset someone usually causes us distress #bpd
Yes we do seek attention, but only in the form of reassurance. Maybe we’re just not so great at seeking reassurance and it gets misinterpreted. #bpd
When we feel upset (even over something small), we often can’t think of anything positive. Our minds are consumed with darkness. We see everything as bad, we are bad. We often then feel suicidal, our emotions are too strong to bare. #bpd
If you change your routine/behaviour towards us, we take it as rejection. What have we done wrong? are you upset? We can’t function until we’re reassured. This can be anything such as not saying goodbye in the morning when you usually do. #bpd
When we’re reassured that you don’t actually hate us and it was all BPD telling us evil lies, we can feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty etc. “How could I have been so silly to think that?” #bpd
We can dissociate and feel numb. We can take risks when we do this. It can last hours or days. It’s like we’re not even ourselves. Nothing matters. It’s like we’re blissfully floating through life without a single care. Sometimes we can feel invincible! #bpd
I’ll add more if I think of any. Please feel free to add any of your own symptoms/bpd experiences.
Also, you never truly know who you are or what you think because it changes so often. Your morals, views, beliefs, goals, likes, dislikes change drastically. It’s like you’re constantly reinventing who you are. #bpd
My psychiatrist said there’s ‘two types’, those who express emotions through anger and rage and those who take it out on themselves. I’m not sure if it’s such a straight forward category, but I know both affect people with #bpd
Our self-esteem can also change drastically. We sometimes feel confident and see positives in ourselves but we can again quickly switch to feeling worthless, useless and have a really negative self-image. #bpd
We can at times talk impulsively and take over conversations. We can over share and tell people things that might be ‘too much’. We’re aware we’re doing it but we can’t seem to stop ourselves. Again we usually feel bad later on. #bpd
When we’re happy, we’re ecstatic! It’s like a huge adrenaline rush throughout your body. We can have these reactions to seemingly small things, little things can make us feel overwhelmed with excitement. Afterwards we’re usually drained! #bpd
Many of us often feel bored or empty, regardless of the situation. We know we’re bored but we can struggle to do something about it. #bpd
Often when someone upsets us or says something bad about us we then become our own worst enemy. We put ourselves down even more than anyone else ever could. We don’t try to feel better because we don’t feel deserving of happiness. #bpd
Most of us will have a ‘favourite person’. We don’t choose them, it just happens. Sadly, our feelings tend to be based on their feelings and behaviour towards us. It can be draining for both involved. #bpd
For many of us, any broken agreement/promise triggers extreme feelings of rejection. Even if we tell ourselves we’re probably overthinking it. Cancelling, change of plans etc. Even minor things like being late (even if WE are often late) we may mask it but it hurts us #bpd
