Read on Twitter
Someone asked me about this topic and I've been thinking about it ever since so I thought I'd write a THREAD:
Tips for divorces/separated parents from a child of divorce (for reference, I was 14 when my parents separated, my younger sister was 11)
Tips for divorces/separated parents from a child of divorce (for reference, I was 14 when my parents separated, my younger sister was 11)
1) IMO it's much easier if the child predominately lives with one parent and visits/sometimes stays over at the other parent's. It's nice to actually have a home and not be constantly living out of a suitcase
-this may suck for the "other parent" but I promise it's for the best
-this may suck for the "other parent" but I promise it's for the best
2) DO NOT hold court mandated weekends of your child(ren)'s head. I get you wanna see your kid, but if you force them to spend time with you they won't want to see you. Be flexible. Be understanding. Time with the kids is NOT a competition between you and your ex.
3) if your ex tells your child they can't have something, don't give it to them in exchange for them spending more time with you that creates 
manipulative tendencies . It will only hurt your child and your relationship with them in the long term.
manipulative tendencies . It will only hurt your child and your relationship with them in the long term.
In addition to 3) communicate with your ex. I get that you might hate them, but you're raising a kid together so get over it. You need to be on the same page about parenting, or it might mess up your kid (hi, reformed messed up kid here)
4) NEVER use your child in the middle of an argument. It's not their fault that their parents are divorced, and doing this will make them feel that way. Let them be a kid. Like seriously, they are already going through enough with puberty.
5) don't make your kid feel guilty for not spending enough time with you (or their other parent) do you know how hard and exhausting it is to be stretched thin emotionally between 2 homes? It sucks. If they don't want to hangout with you it's fine.
6) don't talk shit about your ex (or their new partner in front of your kid) it'll make them feel bad and they won't want to openly communicate with you.
7) DO NOT make your kid feel like they have to choose sides. If your divorce ends super messy your child still has 2 parents. No matter how snuffy you are at your ex doesn't mean your kid has to be angry at them too.
8) if you're not the home that kid typically spends the night at, make sure they still feel at home there. Fresh towels, toiletries, fresh bedding, easy access to personal care any products. If they are comfortable at your house they will want to spend more time with you.
