Very hard to determine how I feel tonight.

I should feel joyous about the new administration coming in but I don’t exactly.

Certainly Biden and Harris represent the fundamental triumph of decency over indecency. And that’s a good thing.

But I can’t shake the feeling that we should have never gotten here, with this catastrophe of a human and catastrophic presidency and catastrophic consequences.

I’m also concerned about the massive lift that the new administration will have, just to get us back to zero. It’s an unthinkable task ahead of Biden and Harris, and could (likely will) define their administration.

I’m also disappointed that so many of our countrymen and woman don’t accept the results of what happened on 11/3. Still. And that crazy - from good and decent tax paying citizens - doesn’t end tomorrow.

And because the crazy - and threat of violence coming from that crazy - doesn’t go away with this administration, I can’t bring myself to be relieved, or to say the phrase “it’s over”. Because it’s not.

Also disgust. Wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that. Disgust that we got here to begin with. Disgust that so many Americans heard and saw the same stuff I did in ‘16, and thought it was ok to vote for him. And I’m concerned that so many of them still think he was good.

I feel like Trump’s fundamental despicable-ness, and the atrocity that was his term, is robbing me of the joy of celebrating a woman breaking the glass ceiling, a blacks & Indian woman at that. I should be happier. But I’m not as happy as I should be. And that’s confusing.

There’s some relief, but not much. Because seditionists still sit in the senate. And the House.

But let me not underappreciate the amazing magnitude of the presidency, and how much Joe Biden will restore decency to the office, politics aside. That means something, and that is reason to celebrate.

I’ve never taken joy in other people’s misery. Therefore Trump and his entire cohort leaving is not sufficient reason for joy. Relief at best.

I guess I’m just kinda numb, and glad it’s over. Not relieved, but glad that this unconscionable, inhumane nightmare is just over. Let’s turn the page.

And to be honest I’ve got some severe nerves about the next few days, as a guy who lives in the epicenter of it all. That’s a factor.

I’ll close with this. The day after the election in 2016, my dad said “me and your mama lived through Bull Connor and them. Y’all will survive this.” He was right, we survived. But many folks didn’t. I reckon my dad didn’t know how similar it would actually be. Nobody did.

If nothing else, tomorrow represents the idea that we can all just move on from this. This complete disaster. For now, it’s over.

Enjoy tomorrow. But on Thursday, as my brother @JasonKander would say, grab a motherfucking oar. There’s work to do.

Ok the MF part was me. Fin.