Thread by @SunnyClownBoots, Myra goes over to Eddie's new flat to try and talk him [...]

Myra goes over to Eddie's new flat to try and talk him out of "destroying his life" not realising the new person he's with isn't a woman. As she's saying something along the lines 'you don't know what you are doing you've been seduced-

by some young woman who just wants your money' Eddie makes eye contact with Richie who was trying to get the last of the peanut butter of the jar but now is just trying to free his hand

wearing a shirt that says 'I don't wanna taco 'bout it'. Richie has to stop trying to get his hand out of the jar to clamp his spare hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing.
'I wouldn't use the word seduced' Eddie replies.

Everyone assuming Eddie Kaspbrak's midlife crisis affair is going to be a 20 something who wants to be Instagram famous who's main purpose seems to be to look pretty and say yes. Instead it's Richie, who's tall, loud, and makes Eddie laugh so hard coffee comes out his nose.

So Eddie has left his wife, but he hasn’t quit his job yet, which is a round about way of saying he’s been invited to one of the bigger company parties and is complaining as he gets ready for work the Monday before because it’s a waste of a weekend.

He shows Richie the ticket, which is several pieces of glossy paper, mostly to bitch about how it could have been an email. Richie however, is drawn to the words ‘each invitee is permitted one plus one’. The second he brings this up, Eddie winces.

“Rich, you can’t go”
“why?”
“Because I like you”
"thank you? I like you too? hence the six kinds of milk in the fridge and the blo-"
"beep beep richie"

“but seriously, what’s the problem? You think they’ll be weird about it? I promise I’ve been heckled with worse”
Eddie sighs, and carefully explains the only people who take plus ones are people who treat their dates on about the same level as their Rolexes.

It’s a status thing, it's a 'I'm 60 and I'm gonna make you guess if this is my daughter or my girlfriend like that's even a little bit funny" and Richie is worth more than being treated like that

“are you saying I can’t be arm candy?” Richie says in mock offense as Eddie picks his suitcase up. “do you not see me on the same level as a 20 something born the same year you married you first wife? I can do drag if you like, really throw them for a loop”

"they don't deserve your company" Eddie says, one hand on Richie's jaw, which makes Richie blush more than it should but he still wakes up wondering if he made the last few months up so it's not unexpected.

(what comes next was made in like an hour so like, bare with my bullshit, thank you)

Eddie leaves for work, and comes back to find the place blacked out, with a projection screen set up in the middle of the living room. Richie, wearing a suit and the ugliest tie Eddie has ever seen, points to the seat in front of him.
“Edward”
“Richie what the fuck”

“I have a Presentation for you”
“I can see that, why?” Richie just points to the chair. Eddie sighs, realising Richie is doing a bit™ and the only way to get to the part of the day where he gets to fall asleep on Richie’s chest is if he goes along with it.

“that it? Two slides? You did all of this for two slides?” Richie doesn’t reply. “Well for one, you’ll be so fucking bored man s-“ Eddie stops as the screen changes.

"you ran out of room on the retro 80s meme thing didn't you?"
"please hold all questions until after the presentation"

“Richie, look this isn’t because I’m ashamed of you okay? it’s just…”
“they are walking ball and chain jokes and if one of their girlfriends were to talk back to them they’d scream in terror?”
“yeah”
“you mean my old audience?”

"The slide is blank"
"yeah, I couldn't think of a decent joke" Richie sits next to Eddie, pulling him over to lean on his shoulder. "look, I know your coworkers are assholes, I can tell by how you talk about them. And not just the stuff you tell me about"

"if you don't want me to go, I won't, but don't go on your own just cause you are trying to protect me from them."
"It's not that"
"then what is it"
"I don't like who I am when I'm with them"

Richie reaches for the powerpoint controls
"oh you are fucking kidding"
"I know you too well eds"

"you would still be so bored"
"I'm glad you said that"

"wait wait, how the fuck is this meant to convince me" Eddie asks, thought he doesn't move from where he's sitting
"you fucking hate these people, and I can give you plausible deniability, plus if you decide to quit your job then and there you'll bring the company with you."

"what do you get out of this?"
"I also hate these people, out of a sense of moral duty"
"so let me get this straight"
"legally I can't let you be straight with me" Eddie glares at him.
"you want to go to this thing so you can steal breadsticks and piss everyone off?"

"Steve doesn't invite me to the up and comers parties anymore"
"what does that have to do with anything?"
"I wasn't allowed to get drunk after the flamingo incident so I'd talk to people and they'd tell me shit they shouldn't, anyway point is, I won't get bored-

-and if we need to get out of there I'll set the smoke alarms off and we can run for it"
"they will think you are just a friend"
"I know"
"they will talk about tit's half the time"
"this is me you are talking to"

"I might suddenly decide to quit my job and become a goat farmer"
"okay but you'd need to talk to Mike about that one, he'd know about goats"
"he had a sheep farm dickhead"
"close enough"
"okay, are you sure?"
"was the PowerPoint not making it obvious?"

"I would like you to be there, but if you complain I will say I told you so"
"you'd say that anyway"
/end, maybe, that's all I got it's like 11:45pm here I did not think this through at all

I am, so fucking intrigued with the idea of eddie realising his bro-sona is neither fun to be or a nice person, and he's real fucking embarrassed by it. Meanwhile Richie just, accepts it, because of course eddie would have a work identity.

Richie realising that it goes way beyond that, work eddie makes him actively nervous, and ends up having to say that. Eddie, who has been holding on to this job because it's the last bit of his old life he kept and even if it makes him miserable he won't let go

Until he realises it's going to hurt Richie too, and probably the other losers. Then it has to go. Which is my way of saying 'Richie and Eddie cause chaos in a country club and Eddie quits his job'

I want to make it clear that the original machinations were because richie doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut and would spill secrets he'd just learnt at parties, as he got older he just got better at learning who to 'accidently ' spill things to.

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