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1/ Honestly making me excited that there are some people out there who get to experience the mind-blowingness of am exponentially increasing sex life. If you're having had sex you're one of today's lucky 100!
https://twitter.com/captain_mrs/status/1351509560775860226
https://twitter.com/captain_mrs/status/1351509560775860226
2/ Also to add a spicy take to this: a lot of people implicitly assume this is directed at men who's "job" it is to make the sex good for women.
And while men can be horrible at sex, it's also quite rare to meet a woman who's good at it! Both sexes have a responsibility here.
And while men can be horrible at sex, it's also quite rare to meet a woman who's good at it! Both sexes have a responsibility here.
3/ A really good place to start is getting more comfortable with sex and bodies and pleasure. I spent a lot of time just visualizing different sexual scenarios, noticing tension and discomfort, and just sitting with and breathing into that discomfort, letting myself process.
4/ Once you have a basic comfort with the idea of sex and pleasure and bodies, you may want to start exploring some fantasies. What ideas, partners, situations turn you on? You don't have to share these, just get comfortable imagining and notice what's juicy to you.
5/ A good resource for this is Literotica, which is a site with thousands of free erotic stories. I'd recommend this over porn because it allows you to practice finding imaginary details that turn you on.
6/ I started with the psychological over the physical because it's sooo much of arousal and what makes sex good. Get comfortable there first before moving to the physical.
7/ But the physical is soo important as well. Time to start exploring your body. Touch yourself in different ways, in different places, with different materials. Vary the energy you use to play with yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy self-foreplay.
8/ A good resource for this for women is OMGyes (season 1) which shows many different ways to begin to play with yourself. I'm not sure of a great resource for men.
9/ Now you can begin to explore with a partner or partners, going through these same steps!
10/ Start with just getting comfortable with them, noticing areas where your rhythm or energies are out of sync. Begining to develop a shared energy during sex.
11/ Then, begin to explore fantasies and dirty talk. Improv is really useful here! Another great resource (especially for dominants) is this old ebook called "The Sex God Method." It's quite misogynistic, but the model and examples of dirty talk are the best I've seen.
12/ Finally, the last step is physical technique and bringing in toys. Everyone wants to start here, but IMO it can be a crutch for ignoring the more important psychological.
13/ There are dozens of resources for this. A couple I'll call out is "She comes first" and "He comes next" for oral sex, Nina Hartleys stuff is also quite good, as well as OMGyes season 2. I would also look into Orgasmic Meditation (although it's a bit culty)
