Having Trump as president is like tapping the drunkest guy at the party to be the designated driver.
—Stephen King

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner.
—Trevor Noah

Donald Trump is the Honey Boo Boo of rich people.
—Morgan Freeman

He got closer to a flood in a Russian hotel room.
—Stephen Colbert, re Trump's visit to Houston after the flood

Donald Trump is giving narcissism a bad name.
―Madeline Begun Kane, aka Mad Kane

There are schizophrenics with Tourette's who have more control over what comes out of their mouths than Donald Trump.
―Bill Maher

Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him.
―Eric Schneiderman

Donald Trump likes to say he's a friend to the blacks. Unless the Blacks are a family of white people, I'm guessing he's mistaken.
―Seth Meyers

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Donald Trump said, "I believe in God." But of course The Donald was talking about HIMSELF.
―Jay Leno

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes; he's never wrong no matter what crazy thing he says. He's the white Kanye.
―Bill Maher

Trump is going through Cabinet members quicker than Starbucks throws out black people.
―Michelle Wolf