Read on Twitter
I was talking to my friend not long ago about safety tools and how they're used in TTRPG spaces, compared to how they're used in BDSM spaces. I'm personally not involved in any BDSM spaces so the information she shared was very insightful.
Now I've had some issues with some safety tool stuff in the past that I've had trouble talking about, & this conversation helped me identify them. More specifically with how limited they are & how they can lead to bad standards of practice.
First off one system that I haven't really personally found helpful was the X card system. My wonderful very very smart friend pointed out to me that the X card system is pretty much the same as a safe-word.
Ideally, it's great for communicating when a line has been crossed. However, there are a few big issues with it that we talked about. Firstly, it's mostly used in cases where the line has already been crossed and is very difficult to use preventatively. (harm has already done).
Secondly, when that system is in place it can lead to people over-relying on it which can lead to poor standards of practice. An environment where you're relying mostly on boundary setting after harm has been done is not the most effective at preventing harm.
Thirdly, I discussed with her that the X card system does not work well for me at all because, in situations where my boundaries get crossed, I freeze up. This leads to the boundary being continuously crossed, and I honestly lack the ability to communicate that in the moment.
This relates to fight, flight, and freeze responses, which people can enter into when faced with things that relate to harmful experiences, especially if they're unprepared for them, which can make using the X card effectively difficult.
Lines and Veils is a pretty good tool for outlining where some boundaries are and comfort level with various kinds of content, and honestly one that helps me feel a lot more comfortable going into a game, but it also has it's own shortcomings.
Notably that unless players are able to know all the sorts of things they are likely to encounter in a game, it's difficult to account for every situation that one might be sensitive to that will come up. It can be hard to include subjects that you don't think will occur.
Additionally, how certain subjects are presented, or if they're presented in conjunction with other subjects, can be the deciding factor in if they're triggering for someone or not.
For example, someone could be comfortable with implied sexual content, & character dynamics involving coercion separately, but not be OK with them at all when they overlap.
Or someone could be OK with having abuse be part of a character's backstory, and all for rebelling against abuse on a systemic level, but not be comfortable with their character being in a situation where they have to confront their abuser.
I guess what I'm saying is, while safety tools are very useful, and should be used, they also have to be used alongside clear, frequent, and safe communication to be effective. Check-in with each other frequently. Check-in before engaging with sensitive things. Check-in after.
Both as a group and as individuals. Even if no lines are crossed and everyone is fine, you can still get ideas of where boundaries could be, and how to keep things safe. No form or tool can be a stand-in for healthy communication.
P.S. Please don't play characters that are primarily antagonistic to other player characters & be upset if other players have issues with that. That can be a really stressful thing to deal with, & a lot of people have to just deal with those situations in their day to day.
A big part of having healthy RP environments is being open to, & being willing to adjust things so people are more comfortable. Sometimes just changing a few little things can make things work way smoother.
Communication only works when you put the work in.
Communication only works when you put the work in.
One additional note that I'd like to add, when it comes to what people are sensitive to, there isn't a set hierarchy of what is a 'more sensitive' topic than others. Arguments that ppl should be comfortable with 1 thing because they're comfortable with another are very bad faith.
