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[THREAD] I want to talk about why we cannot base our self-esteem on success. So many of my clients and DMs that I get put so much weight on achievement. Culturally, we have been taught, at times only loved when we achieved something. It became a slippery slope.
If let’s say we get our parents to tell us they are proud of us when we get an A-, then they get used to it, so the next step is to get an A. The next step is to be the best in class. The amount of pressure and continually excel takes a huge toll on our mental health.
The problem is that it cannot be sustainable because obstacles will always happen. And when the first obstacle happens, it may hurt us so much more. Furthermore, because of the way we are raised, all our self-esteem may be based on how beautiful, successful, wealthy we are.
We never take the time to love ourselves for who we are, no matter how we look, no matter what our quirks are. That unconditional love for who are, regardless of what we do is one of the biggest shield for our mental health. So how can we learn to love ourselves unconditionally?
One is self-talk. We tend to have very negative self-talk about us and our achievements. Let’s practice increasing our self-care and being kinder to ourselves when we don’t achieve something as opposed to doing it when we achieve our goal. We want to start that reinforcement.
The second step is to find friends or partners that would love us no matter what we do or achieve. Because we may not have had this with our parents, it is important to find people who would help us with that validation no matter what.
Let’s try to do these steps to start. Valuing ourselves and taking care of ourselves through highs and lows teaches us that we are worth it no matter what external factors look like. For example, this pandemic has shown us that it is easy to lose jobs, not excel in school, etc...
and this is not your fault. But we can be hard on ourselves even if all of this happened through no fault of our own. Please make sure to be kinder to yourself no matter how much things may be hard for you now 
