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I cant speak it loud enough for those in back: MENTAL HEALTH IS EVERYTHING. If you're MH sucks, life sucks and its not enjoyable. If its good and strong MH, life is sooo much better. You're able to achieve and do many goals, big and small, with positive MH.
Reach out if needed.
Reach out if needed.
Backstorh: so in 2017 my daughters mom got pregnant w our daughter in Jan, we were having issues by then and it wasn't good. Not abuse, but just didn't wanna be together. Unfortunately at the time, she got pregnant and it was good for a few weeks, but we both had really bad 2/
Mental health at the time. We weren't suicidal or anything, but we both were depressed. In May of 2017, she left me. While 5 months pregnant with our daughter. She needed a break and I (didn't know it at the time) did too. 3 months later in August of 17', she texts me one day 3/
And says that she cheated on me and the baby may not be mine. I invited her over to talk and we sat for 4 hours and talked amicably. She decided that she didn't want me in the delivery room after all, (not knowing if it was mine or not). This didn't help my mental health, 4/
But I also knew that a lot of the issues in my life, were self induced/inflicted. My depression and just general lack of truly enjoying anything was like a heaviness that weighed me down. I didn't enjoy food, baseball , work, you name it. I was also working 3 jobs to support 5/
Our household at the time. I blamed myself for a lot of the issues. Fast forward to October 2017, and my beautiful daughter is born. I held her the night she was born, and I felt this electricity, I felt like the universe was saying "she's your daughter". 6/
But despite that my mental health issues persisted,I couldn't find any joy in life. Then in Jan 2018, my dad dies unexpectedly without ever meeting his granddaughter. Needless to say, this didn't help my mental health. I hated my life. I didnt want it to end, but I hated it 7/
I didnt know how to get out of the depression I felt. Its like everyday I was a robot and just going through the motions. Its almost like I didn't feel any emotions other than massive depression (and grief). I didnt care about lost things in life besides my kid and her mom 8/
(We found out she was my daughter via paternity test in Dec 2017). I called my mom, who knew of my years long depression, to try and help me through the rigors of being a new parent to a child I didn't see and losing my absolute best friend and biggest supporter in my dad. 9/
She had been a pastor earlier kn her life and she knew how to help cope and deal w grief. She helped me a lot. To deal w the grief. The depression didn't subside. Being in a bad place mental health wise, made EVERYTHING in life so much harder. It's like I didn't care about 10/
What people thought of me, but I also didn't care about myself, in any way.4 months after losing my dad in 2018, I lost my mom. After 10 years of cancer and 3 strokes. I was devastated. My MH took a turn for the worse, I didnt care that I was fat, depressed, making $12/hour. 11/
All I cared about was going home and being alone. (In hindsight wasn't helpful and only made it worse). Then I started to see my daughter more regularly..I decided in April of 2019 to leave the job I had for nearly 3 years (my longest ever, again, pathetic I know!) And to 12/
take charge of my happiness. To find joy in things, experiences, people, places. At the time, I was living in a house w 2 other people who were the exact opposite of me and how I lived. Then they let 2 other people move in and that made it even worse bc I was an outsider. 13/
So I knew and wanted to move, but my depression wouldn't let me. Then I got a new job, I loved it. Let me rephrase that, I hated the job and loved the pay. (I told the employer during my interview I knew nothing about their products or industry and he told me, "don't worry 14/
Its all customer service anyway and you can easily do that". Well it wasn't. It was more product knowledge than anything. Each night, I'd go home to a house full of people I didn't wanna live with, after working a job I didn't like, and not being able to see my kid. 15/
I knew something had to change. So Summer 2019 comes and 2 of my housemates decided to cheer me up and we took a road trip to the Badlands of SD. Deadwood. Mt Rushmore. It was awesome. MH wise I didnt enjoy it as much as I would now. I kept feeling like it didn't matter bc 16/
At the end of the trip, I'd go back to the same house and start it all.over again. (I should note, my extended family has NEVER been supportive of my daughters mom and I decisions, adding more MH stress and drama). Then I came back and got laid off 2 days later. So I was 17/
Unemployed, 350 pounds, depressed, eating everything in sight, drownin debt, no social life, I really didn't know how to get out of the rut I was in. I wanted to. I wanted to enjoy life. I remembered life as a kid/teen how much I would legit enjoy things, places, experiences 18/
So I applied at the place I work now, thinking I wouldn't get hired, especially since I had been turned down for 5 jobs in the last 6 weeks. I applied, got an interview and did well, tarted seeing my daughter regularly, got the job. Started working a job I absolutely love. 19/
I can feel my depression going away, I feel like a dad. I got to see her regularly and I'm working a new job I absolutely love. I had one good day. Then another. Then another. Then I realized it:I had a good week. Then a good month, then a good 2 months. Then I woke up almost 20/
Expecting to have a good day. My life started to change. I was laughing again, I found a new (old) hobby in fishing, I was able to succeed at work and have a great relationship w my daughters mom. I was actually not just happy, but LOVING LIFE. ENJOYING IT. 21/
Thats where I'm at to this day. I will end this by saying: I do regret that I was depressed for 13 years and massively for 7. I feel like I missed out on SO much in life, love, happiness, etc. I know 100% of the success I had in 2020, jobs, dating, parenting, weight 22/
Was due to having just 1 good day, and then another, and another. Thats what it takes. The smallest progress can snap you put of the lowest. I wouldn't be able to be happy and love life like I do now,if I was still depressed. I wouldn't have the job I had or enjoy it as much. 23/
When you feel anxious or overwhelmed or whatever. Find the smallest thing that gives you joy. I went from a depressed robot going through motions, to someone who looks forward to each day. Take care of your own mental health. It will save your life.
