Read on Twitter
I’ve been thinking about this for a while —is happiness our default state? My intuition is that this is false. Babies aren’t born happy. The first thing they do is cry. https://twitter.com/xuenay/status/1346430987438338048
Cry because they’ve left a warm and comforting environment where they’ve been fed, sheltered, kept warm, and lulled to sleep. Contrast this to the environment they first experience when they open their eyes— bright lights, strange black and white objects, and blurry people.
No wonder they cry out “holy shit, take me back!!”. Every new parent knows that for the first 3 months it feels like our babies would much rather crawl back where they came from than join us in the real world (and don’t we adults feel this way sometimes too?).
The so-called “4th trimester” characterized by colic, “purple crying”, and sleepless nights. Of course, some babies come out seemingly better adjusted than others, or perhaps we just get better at anticipating their needs with subsequent babies.
I suspect it’s a bit of both— some babies have easier, go-with-the-flow personalities (my 15 month old) and some come out with a little hulk inside them that surfaces whenever they are tired, hungry, lonely, or don’t immediately get what they want (my 4 yr old).
These traits definitely seem to be rather stable over time, and directly influence how the personality develops.
All this to say that the default state of the brain appears to be one of anxiety.
All this to say that the default state of the brain appears to be one of anxiety.
Anxiety due to an uncertain world.
Anxiety over the uncertainty in getting its core needs met.
The brain’s primary goal is to reduce uncertainty in this world through an instinct to learn, to make better decisions and predictions about how and when it gets its needs met.
Anxiety over the uncertainty in getting its core needs met.
The brain’s primary goal is to reduce uncertainty in this world through an instinct to learn, to make better decisions and predictions about how and when it gets its needs met.
The way it does this is by forming models. It models both its own needs and it models the outside world, trying to anticipate its needs, and the best strategy/decisions it should take to meet those needs.
It tries to convert an unpredictable, messy, and chaotic world into a predictable one. It tries to construct a consistent narrative to explain reality. The brain is in the business of prediction and to make predictions it needs the world to make sense.
In the best of worlds babies learn that they can depend on their parents to get their needs met — their parents keep them safe, fed, watered, loved, and help to create a consistent routine and predictable world around them.
It’s well-known that young kids do better with structure and routines, this makes life predictable and less chaotic; they learn that their needs will be met when they have them. All they have to do is abide by whatever set of parental rules are placed on them.
Is happiness then the lack of anxiety/uncertainty? When our models/expectations are a perfect match to reality? When we know our basic needs will be met as soon as they arise?
What happens when kids leave home? They are once again faced with an unpredictable world and must build new models about the world in order to get their needs met. Their needs also become more complex as they start to navigate the world of relationships, hierarchies, roles, jobs.
What happens when their old models stop working, when expectations ≠ reality? Usually sadness. I’ve come to learn that sadness is just a signal that our models need updating. It is the shedding of neuronal connections/beliefs/patterns that are no longer needed/useful.
The undoing of old habits that no longer help us meet our goals. What happens when sadness is repressed? People become angry, frustrated, resentful, depressed, as they cling to their incorrect models, trying the same things over and over again expecting a different outcome.
This is key “sensory input is a suggestion”. At some point we feel like we know everything, that are models are perfect, so we start ignoring any incoming sensory input that conflicts with our models. https://twitter.com/LKayChicago/status/1350454987814526978?s=20
This conflict causes pain, pain that we spend our early lives running away from. This pain however is a necessary feature of updating our models to better predict the world around us and our own needs. Without this updating, we go through life on autopilot, feeling empty.
So pain and suffering is a necessary precursor to future happiness, a necessary feature to delete “bugs” and “malware” that have crept into the brain software over time, a necessary feature of model updating.
Once we’ve gone through this pain and updated our models and know ourselves better that we know our needs and how to meet them, are we happy then? Sure, we’ve decreased our anxiety/uncertainty, but while this is a necessary component to happiness, I don’t believe its sufficient.
Humans have an almost insatiable drive to learn, to grow, to better themselves, to add value to the world, to create. At the point where our models are closer to reality, when expectation = reality, we aren’t happy... we are bored.
The brain needs almost constant stimulation (internal or external), it isn’t very happy sitting idle, in fact neurons never stop firing, even during sleep. Our brains need to be DOING THINGS, and not just any thing, but the RIGHT things. Working towards the RIGHT goals.
Goals that help us meet both our physical and psychological needs. Doing tasks that are both intrinsically and extrinsically rewarding. There’s the saying “it’s not about the destination, it’s about enjoying the journey”. I agree, concentrate your time and effort on projects
that bring you intrinsic joy; but what I’ve realized recently is that this still requires WORK. I have to work to protect myself against distracting stimuli, things that drain my energy and suck up my time.
It’s not a simple matter of sitting back and enjoying the growth you’ve enjoyed so far, we need to keep growing.
The brain habituates to whatever level of happiness you’ve reached. There’s always higher to go.
