There wasn't really a career path for "environmental-research sociologist writer artist physicist photographer biologist programmer historian traveller poet folklorist gardener geologist psychologist sculptor librarian anthropologist designer art-therapist". https://twitter.com/BFutureDesign/status/1350720494597767168

So many of my interests would have required specialist degree courses to access as a career, and at the time I was terrified of making the wrong choice and locking myself into a career that I'd get bored of in a year or two. 2/

It might be an #ADHD type issue. I delve deep into one, then one day wake up and can't focus on it at all. I have to put it aside and hope that my brain will cycle back around to it. That might take weeks, months, years... if at all.

And that's... quite upsetting really. 3/

And it's no way to have a career.

All my interests are just that: interests. Hobbies. My "career" is in retail. I enjoy it (mostly) and in a way it's advantageous to have a job that doesn't "follow me home", so all my home time can be spent on my interests. 4/

Except.. that doesn't quite work.

My job exhausts me, so I generally don't have the energy to pursue my interests.
& it turns out that when you're an adult, your spare time gets eaten up by adult things (all of which take longer than they should because executive dysfunction) 5/

At school I was good, academically. It felt like I could learn most things if I wanted to, so I couldn't even narrow my career choices down by "what are you good at".
Except... I knew I struggled with social things, which felt like a huge weak spot for me, so... 6/

I'd noticed that practically every job listed them as required, and usually to an "excellent" standard. After uni I deliberately set out to get a retail job ("over the summer while I looked for something else", haha) to work on my people skills. 7/

So it's now been... 10ish years. And it has *absolutely* improved my people skills. But never to the point where I feel I've "got it". Never in the way that, when studying a subject, I'd get to the point where I felt I really understood it in a practical sense. 8/

And that's been difficult to come to terms with. I mentally beat myself up about it so much over those years. Why wasn't I improving much? I wasn't even getting to the level of social proficiency of *any* of my peers, let alone becoming an expert. 9/

Learning about #autism, and coming to the realisation that it might explain a lot about me and my struggles, has definitely helped with that.
I haven't stopped trying to learn, but I *have* stopped berating myself for not instinctively "getting" social interaction 10/

I've often wanted to leave my job and try something new, but there are several things that make that hard:
A) I like the job (books!) and the people I work with. I'm afraid I'll never find anywhere with such a lovely, understanding group again. 11/

B) Remember that career indecision? Still a thing. I could leave and do a course, get to the end, and lose interest. Start a new career, and a month in realise it's not for me & have to negotiate quitting & letting people down.
But I feel I should take the jump and try. 12/

C) Job adverts and honesty.
They almost all say "excellent people skills, revels in teamwork, outstanding communication skills"
And, I have to describe myself honestly. I just can't exaggerate for effect, so I am not "excellent, reveling, or outstanding" in any of those so - 13/

- in the past that's put most jobs in the discard pile to begin with.
I'm working on getting my head around this strange job code though, and think I would be able to ignore that wording.

There's also the problem of every job wanting "x years of experience", of course. 14/

D) Personal statements. Again, honesty and accuracy forbid me from embellishing & exaggerating in the way expected.
I despise writing a 1 sided appraisal of myself. Any job application means days of headaches and frustrations, & an end result that feels like a lie by omission 15/

E) Don't even get me started on interviews. All the problems of the personal statement + social interaction + eye contact + uncomfortable smart clothes + a glitchy biographical memory that makes every "describe a time when you" question a nightmare... 16/

(intermission: I'm not used to doing threads and this has gotten quite long for me! As always, I'm just kind of recording my thoughts on this subject and will literally come back with a notepad later to add it to my assessment notes)