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30 years ago today, coming down after the stress of flying a Gulf War mission, sitting with other formation members in our accommodation, I suffered a tonic clonic seizure. No-one knows why it happened; I was 30 years old, and this was the first ever.
I never did thank the guys for summoning medical aid so quickly.
The aftereffects were profound. I was immediately grounded; my world had fallen apart. I felt like I had lost my dreams, my career, my friends. I lost my independence, being unable to drive anymore.
The aftereffects were profound. I was immediately grounded; my world had fallen apart. I felt like I had lost my dreams, my career, my friends. I lost my independence, being unable to drive anymore.
I didnât really talk to anyone, but carried this all in my head. I became angry, bitter, and yes, guilty that I had let my colleagues down.
I fought to stay in the Air Force in some role for many years, but it wasnât to be, as I wouldnât be able to support them on deployed operations, which not only would severely limit my usefulness, but also mean others had to cover for me, and spend more time away.
I was luckier than many however; given my skills, I was able to become a simulator instructor, teaching many of the RAFs and RSAF Tornado crews over the years, a job I enjoyed. I had old friends who really kept me going, although I sadly lost touch with many others.
I couldnât reach out; the illogical guilt was still there; it sometimes turned to embarrassment as well.
The RAF Tornado force held an annual event, attended by some many current and ex-aircrew. I would find reasons not to go; now of course, all are ex-Tornado, just like me.
The RAF Tornado force held an annual event, attended by some many current and ex-aircrew. I would find reasons not to go; now of course, all are ex-Tornado, just like me.
Looking back on all the friendships I lost, the mental harm I did to myself, the anger that came out towards others, I am reminded of what has become a cliche âIt is good to talkâ.
I was supposed to be brave, a defender of peopleâs freedoms, and I wasnât able to look after myself; I didnât talk to anyone.
I guess it is the 30th Anniversary of the Gulf War, with the reminiscing that has brought this thread on.
I guess it is the 30th Anniversary of the Gulf War, with the reminiscing that has brought this thread on.
It took a while, but I realised that I didnât let anyone down. I have been lucky. I have a great wife, a enjoyable job, life is good.
Many were affected far worse than I have been by life events; many failed to return home. Please, never forget them.
Many were affected far worse than I have been by life events; many failed to return home. Please, never forget them.
