A short, rotund, bespectacled chap in a dapper suit comes running over as I enter the arrivals area of Stockholm airport and promptly introduces himself a Gösta Frunk, he’s the chairman of Soderhamns FF, he quickly ushers me into the back of his grey Saab and we are off!

What a delightful drive it is up the east coast of Sweden, however the atmosphere turns a little sour when we pull over a mile or so short of the “stadium” when a suave, lanky chap going by the name of Sune Nordh gets in, tells me he’s the Director of Football and my new boss!

In a smoke-filled wood panelled room decked in Ikea furniture overlooking the pitch, Gosta flings me a Swedbank statement, showing me the club is £430k in debt and currently splurging nearly £4k per week on wages, with striker George Bcheri taking home a mind blowing £200 p/w

At this point Sune tells me that he will be responsible for all player recruitment and would be aided by Ola, who until now I hadn't noticed through the haze of smoke. Ola looked like a kind man, but his long grey hair, cigar and multicoloured shellsuit was a bit of a weird combo

Sune then goes on to tell me, that he also dictates the style of play at the club and he would be revealing more in the coming days. But warns it's the very reason the role came about as young upstart & former manager Conny Asklof tried "going rogue" - I feel very uneasy

I tell Sune that we need a few more scouts and he barks "NO, there's no one out there and Ola can manage on his own", he does however say that he's bringing in new player/coach - he doesn't know if he's any good like, but he's from Hong Kong so sounds promising

It's at this point Chairman Gosta says "here's a bag of balls, they are brand new Sondico ones we got from Sports Direct, oh and by the way I've just transfer listed your entire squad due to our perilous financial state - why don't you go and say hello to them all"

I've been here 5 days, and training sessions are interrupted constantly by Sune requesting that a player accompanies him to his waiting Volvo and we never see said player again. At last Chairman Gosta steps in to remind Sune that we don't actually have enough players left

Meanwhile, scout Ola (you remember Jimmy Savile) who's conveniently been looking for youth players since my arrival, has found me sweet F A, and it's just over 2 weeks till we play our first game - against Trelleborg! Not the Meysum Javan fulled IFK, but the Premier League one!

With just over a week to go until our first game, OIa has gone quiet, I've heard a rumour that the police may be holding him over some serious alleged claims, meanwhile I take matters into my own hands and call up Jesper Blomqvist, who tells me, "it's either you or Sturm Graz"

Finally a bit of good news from Jimmy, I mean Ola - he says he sees a lot of potential in this very timid lad called Oscar, who's dad tells me he only wants £45 p/w, meanwhile it seems that Ola wasn't at a police station, he was in Norway looking at a lad who I'm calling Tommy K

Blomqvist had us fooled all along and pitched up at Dunfermline. When I return to my office, I see a crestfallen Ola, it appears Malmo have come in for young Oscar and a Left back he identified is also being courted by another club.

Just as I'm telling the lads the team, Sune bursts in and yells we have to play 4132 or I'm out the door! The lads rally and despite us not being able to name a full bench we shock Premier League Trelleborg. Chairman Gosta looks delighted as he clutches his £20k in used notes

For the eagled eyed amongst you, yes that was player/coach Yiu Kwok Yu scoring on his debut. Sune hasn't been able to wipe the smile off his face all week - he keeps saying "what did I tell ya!" Oh how we laugh!

Again unable to name a full bench due to Ola's inability to find players, we set out to maim the opposition with our hard tackling! Granberg loses his head, quite literally butting Tommy K - what a start to the season

An incredible win vs D1 opposition in a game we dominated but had to rely on the lottery of penalties. I'm not sure what's going on with the Swedish Cup this season, but atleast 2 sides will be making it to the semis

We rescue a point against Lulea with a late comeback, but whilst Sune and Ola are cracking open the vodka, I tear into the pair demand some players. We were able to name just 3 subs and our only GK departs in a month. Ola agrees to stop looking for kids!

A dire display in the Cup QF sees us blow an outside chance of getting into Europe. But the £25k for TV rights keeps chairman Gosta happy and the bailiffs have stopped turning up and taking away the few remaining bits of Ikea furniture

We are in a right pickle! We have no GKs at the club now due to Chairman Gosta's firesale. Sune & Ola look panicked, they've not been able to find a single free agent and have given me licence to find one myself (but only on loan). Despite being interested, Alnes isn't interested

With me literally crumbling in on myself due to despair at finding a GK, Sune comes over grinning like a Cheshire cat - (I really hate the guy), "I've sorted your limited options out" he tells me, here's a kid from the youth team...

My prayers are answered with the emergency loan of Johan Linell - I throw him one of the Sondico balls which by now have the odd panel missing, he catches it first time! Good, you're in the team this Saturday!

What a win! Nanayakkara is quickly becoming a fans favourite and Chariman Gosta is especially pleased charging £1 per letter for his name to be emblazoned on the back of kids replica shirts. I hear @MartinPlaysCM has ordered one too!

He's at it again! What a player!!! We now have 3 weeks off (I don't know why) but it gives Sune and Ola ample time to sign some players. I demand at least 5 new faces before my next game. Sune gives me a slap and tells me to "sit down dickhead"

Well Pinky & Perky had 21 days to brings some players in and they didn't, they also forgot to renew our GK's loan deal so he departed the day before this game. Player/Coach Wu stuck his hand up to go in nets, he's now nicknamed the Colander!

Having spent most of my summer in Kurdistan at @SlothSpartak house, I return to Sweden to find that Sune has sold striker & top wage earner Bcheri to Swiss side Delemont for £100k, for the first time we have money in the bank, it coincides with our facilities needing investment!

What's all this then? I arrive on the training ground to a bunch of new faces - 9 no less! What's more is one is a (crap) GK and Sune has also tied down Linell on loan for the rest of the season. God knows if any of this lot are good enough, but it will be nice to have options

Oh my word! We start 4 of our new 9 and bring a further 2 off the bench, 3 debut goals, firstly 1 for Finn Henriksen (who's actually Danish), then one for Vesa Helin (who is a Finn) and one for Orjan Helland, who's neither Danish or Finn, but Norweigan!

Here's Helland for completeness. I know that Sune and Ola are going to be unbearable after this game, I decide to take the opportunity to ask Sune for another coach, he says "no"

However...I do overhear a rather sloshed Chairman Gosta proudly telling Sune he now has £2k to spend on a player of true quality

The training ground is melting pot of activity, various members of the local press have gathered, I'm not entirely sure why, but then I see him! Flair player Mattias Soderlund steps out of Sune's Volvo, I can't believe it - he's signed for Soderhamn - for an actual transfer fee!

A truly mental game, so many positves including 2 assists for our new signing and new team captain Soderlund, however all undone by a pathetic display in nets from our loanee GK, who I'm tempted to send back. I've not idea how he's scored a 6

Having being on the wrong end of a 9 goal thriller the week before, it's our turn to celebration in this 7 goal ding dong! 2 more assists from Soderlund, how impressive is he? And 2 more goals from Dane (I mean Finn) Henriksen

Chairman Gosta holds an off the cuff board meeting with to assess the season so far now that we have reached the halfway point. There's real belief that if we sort our defence we can push for glory. He awards Sune with another £2k to spend who issues Ola an order to find a DC

The cup win over non-league Brunflo brings with it another £5k in TV revenue, Chairman Gosta is threatening buying a bigger Portakabin to double up as our club shop/ticket office after a record breaking month of £77 coming in on merchandise

The league's entertainers host title rivals Boden and despite getting off to a flying start Nanayakkara's sending off for dissent upsets the flow. Step forward 16 year old DMC Bohman (who should be nowhere near the team with those attributes) to fire us top of the table!

Sune & Ola present me my latest "star" a 16 year old Norwegian kid called Marius. The kid looks sharp in training, banging the Sondicos in from long range and boy does he work hard, staying late after training to hit a few more shitpingers at young compatriat GK Johansen

Johansen is forced to play the final 4 games after yet another muddle with our on loan (shit) GK Linell who heads off to Eskilstuna City for £1k. Jeez Sune, couldn't you not stretch £1k to tie him down...if this costs us promotion with that rookie in goal...

Mr "flappy hands" Johansen concedes with the first shot fired at him and has me reaching for the shotgun! Thankfully he recovers and puts in a sterling display. Hell there's even time to throw on young Hjelle who promptly scores on his debut

Sune physically has to restrain me as I launch myself towards Flappy hands, loves to concede early this kid. Further disaster strikes when Henriksen gets maimed. Thankfully whilst we have Soderlund there's always hope! I swear flappy hands "fumbled the ball" 3 times in the last 5

News comes into the dressing room that Boden have dropped points away at Ostersunds, I overhear the lads excitedly talking about Division 1 having squad numbers and they can't wait to choose them. I quickly stamp out that sort of behaviour. We have 2 cup finals left

Flappy is at it again, conceding as soon as we score, not once, but twice before spilling a late daisy cutter into his own net. It goes down to the final game

No dramas in the final game - even a clean sheet from Flappy and a 20 minute cameo role for player/coach Wu! We are going up say we are going up!!

Oh what the heck is this? Despite winning the league, Sune breaks the news to me that we may not be "up" after all. We need to beat East Svealand Champions Sirius over 2 legs to make it into Division 1

I get into the dressing room after the game, I'm sweating profusely, thumbing my way through the Swedish FA rule book, "away goals count surely?" YES they clucking do!!! I plant a ginormous kiss on Finn Henriksen's forehead, you may just have saved us dear chap!

It's half time here in the 2nd leg. The locals are too nervous to turn up in what is one our lowest attendances of the season. Flappy just needs to stay strong for 45 minutes and we are there!

Flappy couldn't stay strong, and to be fair to him he was absolutely peppered by Mr Black's Sirius side who win promotion. I rip the dressing room door off it's hinges and slam it down on the head of Helland

Just as the dust and chipboard (from the door) is settling, my physio (also called Sune) tells me he's gonna be 64 next year and not sure he fancies another year. I ask if he knows anyone who fancies the job...he says he doesn't

In our post season wash up, we all agree that these 3 have been quality additions once Ola could finally be arsed to find anyone. I ask Sune & Ola to find me a GK and 2 CB's over the winter and I'll see them in about 6 months!

Before heading back to Kurdistan to spend the winter with @SlothSpartak I ask Chairman Gosta to spend a bit of money on the school sportshall we train in. Apparently he feels that the luminous yellow strip bar lighting and the echo-ey walls are just fine

I check in with Gosta and Sune mid winter, they tell me they've flogged Tommy K for £100k and found no one worth signing yet. They have brought in a new physio whilst Ola has brought in his "mate" who's great "working with kids" to look for new talent

An excited Sune calls me to say that when we return to training in a couple of weeks, we will be joined by 2 new players we've paid money for. I had asked for a GK and 2 CB's but these two don't look bad to be fair.

I could've sworn I'd only signed a 1 year deal last season, but Chairman Gosta once again collects me from Stockholm airport and ferries me back to Soderhamn although this time, I'm a lot less excited. Sune, Jimmy & Rolf (I mean Ola & Joakim) present me my batch of shit

I'd been in Kurdistan for about 4 months, the guest of Rob @SlothSpartak I'd asked Sune and Ola to find me a GK and two CBs before I left - oh how they failed. A pitiful GK slow to come off his line, with low positioning, bravery, anticipation and decisions, just what you need

Everyone is furious, Gosta is raging as that's basically any hope of any cash gone, I'm furious as my GK and CB's are shit, Sune tells me he could do a better job than me and reminds me I've lost 4 of the last 5 games, cracks are beginning to show

Never understood the expression "started like a train", it drums up the image of slow and laborious, however we start like a train smashing all-comers in our opening 4 games

New right-back Akerlund, despite a very mediocre average rating has 4 goals in 5 games.
New striker Ruotsalainen has 6 goals in 5.
New midfielder Larsson has 4 assists in 5.
Sune and Ola are delighted

Just over a 1/3 of the season done and we hit the farcical 6 week summer break. We are romping this league and will win it, just got the ridiculous play off game to navigate. Ola and Joakim have gone out looking for more kids again - standard

Latest recruits. Johansen could be quite good if our sports hall training ground wasn't literally falling down. Martinsson is a defender who's got good positioning, decent at marking - something a bit novel for my CBs

What a fucking disaster! A 0-0 draw on the final day of the season drops us to 2nd. It feels like we will never escape this godforsaken division/country

Quickfire poll coming up. Do I make an ultimatum and risk the sack?

Make an ultimatum? (Bear in mind, 2 seasons of failure)

I fly into the Gosta's office - "it's a new or improved training ground or I'm off" I yell. "Calm down son" is not what I want to hear back, I secretly want him to fire me on the spot and free me from this hellhole, but he just smiles, shows me the door "see you in March" he says

Having been royal told by Gosta to keep my trap shut, Sune also informs me I'm on this ice and any opportunity to sack me they will. I decided to keep my head down and just get on with the job this season

Andreas Wickstrom a player who I gave a few fleeting opportunities last season and never impressed is given a chance last 4 games due to an injury crisis in midfield - wow!

We romp away with the 2nd Division North title ending the campaign unbeaten, but we've been here before. A 2 legged shootout with BK Forward to reach the 1st Division - 3rd time lucky?

Slightly embarrassing predicament for Krister Gunnarsson...never shoot your mouth off

Bad-boy Gunnarsson scores in his final game for the club, Soderhamns are going into Division 1 at the 3rd attempt!
We go unbeaten in all competitions in the calendar year of 2004. P27 W19 D8 L0

He may never have scored a goal before but the amount of double figure attributes signals the start of things to come with the arrival of Edier Frejd

A month before my usual winter excursion to Kurdistan, I chance my luck again with Gosta. Our sportshall facilities have been deemed "awful" for over a year now. Only 1 lightbulb works & everytime the ball hits the ceiling a cloud of asbestos rains down - do I give an ultimatum?

I decide to sit on it for 11 days, before finally growing a pair of balls. I issue Gosta with an ultimatum "either replace the lightbulbs or I'm off!" The fans seem to agree - Gosta and Sune place a bag over my head and put me in a cupboard. Rob I won't be coming to Kurdistan

I wake up, it's 2005 .I've been entombed for 2 weeks. I head down to the sportshall, someone has left the light on over Christmas & now the one remaining bulb is flickering - I'd half hoped that Gosta would have got Phil & Kirsty in and done a Love it or List it - but sadly not