Read on Twitter
Now, hear me out, I may not *seem* like a virologist, but what about - instead of vaccinating the entire population - we just vaccinate the virus, right? Catch it in Asda, trap it in a matchbox, and give it the old Pfizer pokeroony. Problem solved, yeah? Put me in charge, Boris!
The thing about viruses is they’re a lot like zombies. You just need to decapitate the chief virus, and then all the other ones just fall over dead. So, I vote we go find that king of the viruses and shoot it in the face with some Dettol spray. Economy saved, yeah?
Also, let’s think about this rationally. What do viruses want? We haven’t even asked them! Maybe we can do a deal? Maybe they’d go home in return for loads of Danegeld, or a large chunk of East Anglia? I’m very certain that diplomacy is the way forward, yeah? Let’s negotiate!
Alternatively, if we just stay very still, maybe coronavirus won’t see us? I’m very confident that viruses are the Tyrannosaurus Rexes of pathogens
Lads, I’ve got loads of Covid solutions. I’m just waiting for my regular column in The Spectator to share them, yeah
Is it obvious I’m on a book deadline? 
HOLY WOWSERS, I FINISHED MY BOOK!
In January 2020, I had written two books in 7 years. And I said to my publisher the next would be due in 2023.
And then we had a pandemic and everything went wrong. So, I’ve ended up writing 87,000 words since July
In January 2020, I had written two books in 7 years. And I said to my publisher the next would be due in 2023.
And then we had a pandemic and everything went wrong. So, I’ve ended up writing 87,000 words since July
Hilariously, I have another book deadline in April - plus all the podcasting deadlines - so I am taking tomorrow off, and then it’s back to work 
