𝐎𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐮𝐩𝐬: 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨

Break ups are the shittiest part of dating, but you are going to have to deal with them

Here are some things you should know about break ups:

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭

Breaking up with someone you've been with for a year or more, is going to hurt

Doesn't matter if it was you breaking up or her

Doesn't matter if the relationship was toxic or not

Doesn't matter how cool or alpha or stoic you are

Breaking up hurts

Your brain adopts to the relationships you have

When one of those relationships is suddenly cut off, that leaves a void

Just like when a loved one dies

Everyone feels this pain, no point in pretending you're above it

Your brain needs to rewire itself and deal with this

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬

You can't rush the hurt

It takes time for you to reorganize your life

It takes time to fill the void a break up leaves you with

It takes time before your brain has dealt with the pain

It's a bitter pill you need to get through

Accept that it hurts and that it will take a while before it doesn't hurt anymore

Don't make the mistake of
- Hopping into a new relationship
- Drowning your pain in partying and random hook ups
- Trying to get back with your ex
- Pretending it doesn't hurt

Relationship hopping never works. You bring all the pain and negativity from you previous relationship into your new one

Your new relationship is doomed from the start.

Instead of processing your previous relationship, you'll just give yourself more hurt by ruining another one

Drowning the pain in partying and hook ups isn't much better

It's self destructive behavior

Instead of dealing with your hurt, you make it worse

These hook ups won't fulfill you in any way

They're just an attempt to find validation from strangers

Not saying you can never party or have an one night stand

But don't do these things as an attempt to deal with your break up

The morning after will just make you feel worse

In the aftermath of your ONS, the hurt will find a way to come back with a vengeance

And the worst thing you can ever do after a break up, is trying to get back with your ex

That's like digging up your grandfather's corpse because you miss him so much

Doesn't work, you'll just get the rotting, ugly version of what was once great

Getting back with your ex just prolongs the pain

Your relationship was a bubble. The break up popped that bubble

You can't magically restore that bubble

Getting back with your ex only leads to bad things

Poor frame, jealousy, distrust, blame games

Don't do it, ever

Accept for yourself that your break up hurts right now

Accept that you feel lonely right now. Like a piece of you is missing

Accept that you cannot fill this void by quickly dating someone new, or by having one night stands, or by getting back with your ex

Break ups take time

Sometimes they take a lot of time

You can't cut off the person you loved the most for 5 years and expect it to be easy

Time will heal as the cliche goes

But only if you do the right things after your break up

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐮𝐩

Take some time away from dating

Let's say 3-6 months

During those months focus purely on yourself

Focus on your goals

Go do the things you always wanted to do but didn't because of your relationship

Work on improving yourself. Become a better you.

Channel the pain and anger you might feel after your break up, and use it to create

Maybe finally start that business
Maybe finally start going to the gym
Or pick up that hobby
Go visit new places

Now is the time

𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭'𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬

After a serious break up, get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex

Either throw it all out, or put it in a box and stuff it away in a place you hardly ever come

Get rid of the daily reminders

The things that remind you of her are like anchors keeping you stuck to the past

This is why new environments often help after a break up

Moving to a new house or city often helps dealing with a break up

Taking a few weeks to go travel also helps a lot

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞

Go spend some time by yourself

Travelling by yourself is great for this

Go take a 4 day hike alone through nature

This will give you time to reflect and become at peace with being alone

Will help you heal faster

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧

You will get over the hurt if you do the right things

If you focus on yourself right now

If you focus on the future

Then eventually you will get over your break up

And you will open yourself up to new and better relationships

So keep going!