Read on Twitter
thread, 1; I am very much of the opinion men need to do more to prevent pregnancies. I am not blaming men alone for accidental pregnancies but they do have the power to help prevent them. And statistically speaking too many men refuse to support women in preventing pregnancies'.
2; Ofcause women are also responsible, but women can only fairly be held accountable for their own actions, not that of their partner. In an ideal world women would have the agency to say no to sex with no condom but this is not an ideal world.
3: And no I am not saying women are too weak to say no, I am saying that women are often, not always but often not in a position to say no.
There are many situations where saying no to sex without a condom is difficult if not dangerous.
For example in a DV relationship.
There are many situations where saying no to sex without a condom is difficult if not dangerous.
For example in a DV relationship.
4; Also in a long term relationship where the woman is on birth control a lot of men feel there is no need for a condom any more and so refuse, since no female BC is 100% accidents happen still that could be avoided. Women feel pressure to rely solely on their own BC.
5; I have had various conversations this week that basically put it back on the woman to insist on a condom. And while, ofcause that is an option and a good idea, it is not the womans responsibility to force men to comply, it is not a reason to let men off the hook for refusing.
6; Also in conversation I have come across men who believe that if a woman gets pregnant on the pill she must be lying about taking the pill. This is rubbish, but again, men not wanting children should protect their own interest, not rely on the woman.
7; lastly I will mention my personal story as an example.
I had been married some 15 years, had children with him. When we first met he happily wore a condom but when we decided to have children he stopped, then he refused to start back up after we had our children.
I had been married some 15 years, had children with him. When we first met he happily wore a condom but when we decided to have children he stopped, then he refused to start back up after we had our children.
8: so my position was, rely on the pill or leave him. So for some years I relied on the pill thinking another pregnancy would not be a disaster. Then I got pregnant, had a miscarriage, he reacted to anger that I was pregnant and relief I miscarried. So what now?
9: despite his anger and blame on me for getting pregnant he still refused to wear a condom. By this time our marriage was in trouble so sex was not happening much. We tried counselling, didn't help.
10; then I got sick, very sick and it was clear I had chronic heart issues and could no longer sustain a pregnancy. After a talk to my doctor where he recommended I go off the pill because of my condition and really couldn't offer any other solution to birth control for me
11; I laid this out for my husband, I could not afford to risk a pregnancy but also was unable to prevent one so its no sex or sex with a condom or he get a vasectomy. He refused to either wear a condom or get a vasectomy.
12; We stopped having sex and then a while later broke up. I believe me refusing to have sex played a huge part in his choice to leave. Him not caring enough about me to be supportive most defiantly helped in my choice to leave him.
13; The thing is, I was a disabled woman who had been a stay at home mother and still had two young children in my care, divorce was hard, it hurt a great deal financially. If I had lived in a country with less welfare I would not have had the option to leave. So I would not have
14 ...had the option to just refuse sex knowing it would lead to divorce. That is the pressure a lot of women face when there is DV or just a selfish man or both. Leaving is just not easy and not always possible. This was on HIM,
15, him, not me, if I had stayed and got pregnant I would have had an abortion or two but maybe saved my marriage, what was the best choice? For me it was to leave but others have to decide for themselves. This was not our only issue, but what if he was a good husband? Then what?
