Real talk on men and women being "just" friends: a thread.

Men are starving for close, fulfilling platonic relationships with women, but the bulk of us are unwilling to keep things platonic, as if it's settling for something lesser.

If that's you, you're losing out.

There are two women who among my close, most valued friends. Our friendship is explicitly platonic. With each of them, there was a time when I brought up the possibility of romance. They each said no, and we went along like nothing happened.

They trust me, that I accepted their "no" and that I don't have underlying desire for that to change. That trust wasn't immediately assumed: it was built by consistent, steadfastly platonic interactions, and it is continually affirmed with every interaction we have.

Because of this trust, we are able to edify each other. They give me counsel - all the more valuable given it's a very different (namely, a woman's) perspective. They have shared wisdom with me, and I with them. We make each other better. We pray for each other.

I want more men and women, especially Christians, to have these fulfilling platonic relationships.

But yall, the linchpin of all this is what I mentioned in passing: I don't have an underlying desire for romance.

How do I manage that, when most guys can't (or don't)?

It's based in a simple conviction: friendship is no less valuable than romantic relationships. There is no such thing as "just" friends. Being platonic instead of romantic isn't "settling"; it's a privilege, an honor, a gift to be cherished.

If that is your conviction, you'll be satisfied with friendships and won't push for romance. With that conviction, eventually thoughts of romance with her will seem silly, almost absurd: your relationship will be of a completely different quality where romance would be unnatural.

When your friendship has that quality, there is a mutual trust and respect that enables deep connection & edification. The beauty of your friendship will compare to that of romance as that of a sunrise to that of a mountain: equally beautiful and natural, but different& distinct.

To close:

Men: preach to yourself that platonic relationships are valuable & possible. (I suggest making your intent clear and, obviously, backing that up with actions. You must keep from making her uncomfortable.)

Women: there are men who value your friendship. Seek them out.