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Let's chat for a minute about sexual speech/harassment and how it relates to my transness.
I came out as trans January 9th 2016. I was 21.5 years old, and I had been struggling for quite a while "fitting in" to my newfound role as an adult "man". I started hormones 3 months...
I came out as trans January 9th 2016. I was 21.5 years old, and I had been struggling for quite a while "fitting in" to my newfound role as an adult "man". I started hormones 3 months...
later on April 1st 2016. This year marks my 5th year as an out trans feminine person. I have passed at various times in the past 5 years as a cis woman fairly successfully. I have therefore lived as an adult "female" for twice as long as an adult "male"...
So I can suffice it to say I never really "integrated" into adult malehood, basically going from a teenage boy to an adult woman (now I identify as non-binary, but still transfeminine) within the span of about a year.
I honestly believe that men are fucking clueless 90%...
I honestly believe that men are fucking clueless 90%...
of the time about whether or not their sexual or romantic advances are unwanted. And this stems from a culture of male sexual aggression and romantic pursuit (I recommend this vid for anyone interested: ).
Women, young women in particular,...
Women, young women in particular,...
feel an immense amount of pressure to "play along". To consider the emotions of the men in their life when dealing with them. Managing their responses so as not to illicit the ire of men. This has been coined as "emotional labour" by the feminist community...
The reasons I believe this are because I have been on the receiving end of multiple instances of sexual harassment. I am fortunate as a trans person (and ardent feminist) that I was not indoctrinated as a young girl to this kind of "sexual appeasement" for the sake of men...
In all instances, I reported immediately and actually had the individuals removed from positions of proximity to me. I was lucky there. Most of the harassment was simply speech and I had a reputation as "the chick you don't want to mess with" cause I'll probably kick your ass...
But one of these people in particular, had been behaving in a creepy manner for quite some time, and had gained a reputation. He was a Construction Site Safety Officer, and he had a habit of making all the women on the site uncomfortable. Being the youngest person there,...
and the new subject of his interest, he naturally started to make comments toward me that on the surface were not explicitly sexual, but betrayed an air of sexual objectification. Offering to help me remove my sweatshirt after work, describing me as "cute", and...
when I was walking around with nothing but a t-shirt in February cold weather, said I was going to "freeze [my] cute little ass off". These comments aren't as bad as they could have been. But combined with his reputation as someone who makes inappropriate comments by literally...
ALL of the women on that site, and his tendency to stare at your tits, I felt he had to go.
What he said was not explicitly "sexual", but it was flirtatious, and unwelcome and I felt he needed to understand that this was not okay. So I reported him to our superiors and...
What he said was not explicitly "sexual", but it was flirtatious, and unwelcome and I felt he needed to understand that this was not okay. So I reported him to our superiors and...
he was removed and reassigned, receiving a substantial slap on the wrist and very evidently deflated.
Why am I telling you all this? The CSO I had removed, had NO IDEA anything he was doing was wrong. As far as he was concerned, he was being nice and doing what men do...
Why am I telling you all this? The CSO I had removed, had NO IDEA anything he was doing was wrong. As far as he was concerned, he was being nice and doing what men do...
What he didn't realize was how he was making people feel. He didn't realize he was getting a reputation as a creep.
When figures such as Destiny make excuses for men being unaware of women's discomfort, this tells me ALOT about him. I can almost guarantee that he...
When figures such as Destiny make excuses for men being unaware of women's discomfort, this tells me ALOT about him. I can almost guarantee that he...
speaks like that to women he is interested in.
When we deal with cases of sexual harassment, it can be really easy for the harasser, to look at their actions and minimize them. Saying it wasn't their intention, saying that they were just flirting. But men are forgetting...
When we deal with cases of sexual harassment, it can be really easy for the harasser, to look at their actions and minimize them. Saying it wasn't their intention, saying that they were just flirting. But men are forgetting...
(either intentionally or not) to think about how the woman feels about it. They are once again expecting the people around them to do the emotional labour for them, so they don't have to monitor their own actions. They are forgetting to consider the emotions of the women they...
interact with.
And I am not saying this to be like "you men are bad because you don't do this". You weren't trained to. You were literally trained by society to do EVERYTHING the opposite way. To expect others to speak up. To expect others to consider how you feel....
And I am not saying this to be like "you men are bad because you don't do this". You weren't trained to. You were literally trained by society to do EVERYTHING the opposite way. To expect others to speak up. To expect others to consider how you feel....
I know cause I've been THERE too. Before I came out, and was kinda forced to view everything through a woman's eyes, I was a lonely young man who had never had a single date let alone be intimate. I would develop obsessive crushes on the girls I liked, and get upset when...
they didn't choose me. I didn't freak out at them. But I got depressive and pushy. I regret doing that alot, cause it ruined a good friendship or two.
So, how do we fight against rape culture and male harassment culture?..
So, how do we fight against rape culture and male harassment culture?..
You do it by encouraging empathy. By doing everything in your power to encourage the men in your life to do the emotional labour they have been pushing on women. It's something I am trying SO HARD to instill in my 15 year old brother. We need more emotional, more empathetic men.
