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Story #thread. Content warning: medical interactions
OK so as a fat Black queer disabled woman I hate going to the doctor. Some medical professional always says some weird, oppressive, offensive shit to me. So I only go when it’s bad.
OK so as a fat Black queer disabled woman I hate going to the doctor. Some medical professional always says some weird, oppressive, offensive shit to me. So I only go when it’s bad.
Recently things got bad. My feet felt like they were asleep all the time & it started to hurt. So I went to the doctor & explained my symptoms as well as other stuff I’ve been dealing with: fatigue, seasonal depression, & occasional issues with my eyes.
Rather than just tell me to lose weight she actually listened & sent me for a bunch of tests. Today I learned that I have B12 deficiency—as in levels so low they could not give an proper reading. Somewhere below 170 (typical range is 200-800).
There are a few expected causes for B12 deficiency namely being vegetarian/vegan (not me) & certain medicines, none of those apply to me. So in a week I have to go back in & start the process of figuring out why my body isn’t absorbing B12.
What’s wild is I read the list of symptoms and I have almost all of them: fatigue, breathlessness, vision loss, numbness, balance issues, and decrease in mental health. I’ve likely been living with this for weeks if not months but I just chalked it all up to the pandemic.
Fatigue and depression often go together and I normally get seasonal depression so that wasn’t strange for me. Breathlessness I blamed on exercising less in the past year. It wasn’t until the numbness in my feet got painful that I actually got concerned & made an appointment.
So I’m sharing this in case there is something going on with your bodymind that you have dismissed as “just”pandemic stress. Go see a doctor. Don’t wait. I should have gone in weeks ago when I first noticed the numbness but I waited until it got painful.
I waited because I didn’t want to just be told to lose weight. I waited because I felt ashamed that my body was somehow failing me. I waited because I was worried they would tell me there was nothing they could do to ease my pain.
This is what fatphobia & racism & sexism in medicine does. It keeps patients away who need care. Esp. during a pandemic where going to the doctor already feels like taking on an additional risk of exposure. But if you’re reading this & you’re hurting, get help. I’m glad I did.
