Xiao:
-you make your friends hate you on purpose
-stop trying to farm primogems and go take a walk outside pls
-your love language is roasting except NONE of what you say is a joke
-you probably think you’re edgier than you really are
-had an emo band stan phase

Diluc:
-ok yeah you DEFINITELY had an emo phase oop
-you’re allowed to talk about your emotions with your friends I promise it’ll be fine
-I know you’ve been procrastinating that shower for three days
-you leave parties an hour in because you don’t drink and you’re BORED

Venti:
-PLEASE stop singing no one asked for that
-your friends need to take breaks from you bc you’re just a lot to handle sometimes
-you are a drunk
-you’re not “quirky” or “a crackhead” you’re masking depression
-you’re the reason Diluc stans left the party

Childe:
-you’ve had more than one convo about who you’d eat first on a deserted island and you take it WAY too seriously
-someone calls you out, you get angry and defensive, and then you get whiny and play victim
-you’re the third parent
-hmmm leash kid

Albedo:
-you thought you were good at art; you drew sonic ocs
-I feel like you also maybe tortured bugs? Don’t ask me why
-please fix your sleep schedule, waking up at noon isn’t cute
-you have a best friend but you kinda just put up with them instead of actually liking them

Jean:
-you were asb president or team captain or smthn but no one ever wanted to listen to you
-you don’t need to work 3 jobs and do 5 extracurriculars to be worth something
-three nights awake and then sleeping for 14 hours isn’t healthy
-you’re the sibling everyone’s told to be

Diona:
-you’re the baby of the friend group and not in a good way
-you unironically have said “rawr xD”
-take the cat ears out of your Amazon kart NOW
-stop putting condiments in a glass with ice and calling it a mixed drink that’s gross
-you don’t go to parties, drunk ppl =

Klee:
-CALM DOWN NOW
-you’re like REALLY loud please
-as a kid you made potions with soap and mud outside
-when someone gives you criticism you shut down immediately, and then forget abt it ten minutes later
-probably claustrophobic a bit

Chongyun:
-please open up more I know NOTHING about you
-you have one best friend who you never leave alone and you’re probably pining tbh
-we get it, you can bite ice cream, big deal
-you don’t like when people try to help you with stuff cause they’re control freaks

Kaeya:
-stop flirting with everyone we know you’re emotionally unavailable
-also a drunk yeah
-you actually are as alt as you think you are congrats
-individuality complex
-absent parent? Multiple? Uh oh
-low key manipulative, like you make people do ur errands somehow

Bennett:
-ok how does it feel to not have a friend group?
-you’re so clumsy and like for what why does the world hate you
-smthn tells me you roleplayed on Minecraft/Roblox
-learn how to ride a bike already you’re not 12
-your crushes never like u back </3

Ganyu:
-omg stop letting everyone walk all over you
-just bc someone says no doesn’t mean they hate you
-you have nothing to prove stop trying so hard
-stop working go to sleep please
-you listen to white noise? Asmr? That’s kinda weird bro

Razor:
-“I’m built different” no, you hit your head too often as a child
-used to pretend to be a wolf or animal on the playground
-may or may not have bit someone...on “accident”
-had really niche interests as a kid and like everyone thought you were weird for it

Fishcl:
-delete duolingo you’re never gonna learn that language
-you have so many ocs and aus and story concepts but you can’t write or do art so you’re useless
-you STILL role play.. either online or like dnd...
-probably had a book fandom phase
-escapism

Xingqui:
-no one asked for him so ig no one asked for you either
-you know your best friend likes you right? Do you even pay attention to them enough to know that?
-stop stop reading books doesn’t make you quirky you’re just a burnt out gifted kid who doesn’t know what else to do

Mona:
-astrology isn’t real go get a job and therapy
-your friends are allowed to do stuff for you, let them
-ok but real talk how does it feel to be gorgeous
-please eat today please
-you had or have a “not like other girls” complex

Xiangling:
-why do you eat so much gross stuff ??? Please-
-you’re very loud and very bubbly and I’m so sorry but that is not for everyone
-stop dragging your friends places they don’t want to go and let them pick for once
-how is sleeping with 20 stuffed animals

Barbara:
-overshadowed little sibling check
-used to be innocent, now you’re not but only so your brain can catch the sus stuff you say before you say it
-you care a little too much abt how people perceive you
-you learned three chords on the uke and think it’s talent

Xinyan:
-people definitely don’t perceive you in the way you want them to
-how’s quarantine been? No concerts? No fun? Boohoo
-stop screaming it’s 8am
-your music taste is so weird never take the aux please
-how does it feel to be an adult and NOT be able to kill a bug

Paimon:
-how does it feel to be told you’re too loud all the time?
-you will cut off someone’s sentence bc you think of smthn and it’s NEVER important
-you’re either blunt or have a superiority complex or both
-tell a lot of people you’ll fight them but ur WEAK
-this face:

Hu Tao:
-how do you kin someone who doesn’t have a personality yet?
-you think you’re ALWAYS right and ONLY YOU
-you literally need to take no as an answer sometimes
-stop being genuinely mean to someone and then adding “just kidding” or “no offense” at the end, you didn’t fix it

Ningguang:
-you either have way too much money saved or you spend it all immediately
-superiority complex check
-those aren’t your friends, those are the two co-workers who don’t make you want to punch them
-you’re pretty but like...we get it we’re not ok stop

Beidou:
-we get it, you want a buff gf but you can’t get one
-you are “one of the bros”
-if I check your Spotify history and I see another sea shanty I’m calling the police
-idk why but I feel like you have a caffeine addiction??? Could be wrong but I’m looking

Amber:
-ok I’m a paimon kinnie and even I think you’re kind of annoying
-you don’t have to be happy all the time to be valid omg BREATHE
-you’re a hard worker. Too bad nothing ever comes out of that
-ngl you probably talk to yourself when you’re alone in public LOLLL

Noelle:
-how does it feel to be an NPC irl?
-please speak up abt stuff it’s ok you’ll be fine
-why do you like cleaning ??? Are you ok?
-you probably have a weird old person hobby Noah fence
-when people visit your house you want it to look like no one lives there

Sucrose:
-ok neuro-divergent honors/ap student who probably bs’ed their way through more work than they’d like to admit
-why did you take ap chem??? You’re weird
-I feel like you don’t have many friends so you’d sit alone in the bathroom at lunch
-clean ur desk omg

Qiqi:
-you probably can’t even read this tweet bc you lost your phone again
-this is just a gut feeling but...PLEASE stop putting random things in ur mouth ??
-how can you take two naps in one day and not be exhausted
-stop procrastinating your hobbies bc you “forgot”

Keqing:
-formerly religious but maybe have trauma from it
-you’re a workaholic but only for your passion projects
-just bc someone disagrees with your opinion doesn’t mean they think you’re stupid
-ok no you’re the one with a caffeine addiction

Baizhu:
-you like dads?? Weird....
-smthn tells me you’re low key shady idk man
-once again we know nothing so why do you kin??
-you probably like “adopted” the freshmen when you were in hs LOLLLL
-always did most of the work in group projects but then ratted everyone else out

Reckless Pallad:
-no one likes you
-you cause so many problems like are you doing it on purpose?? Or are you just stupid?
-you need to learn how to do things by yourself omg turning on the stove shouldn’t be hard
-you probably have bruised legs from bumping table edges

OOP ALMOST FORGOT
Lisa:
-you prefer to work alone but not bc you’re shy just bc people annoy you
-stop trying to be a teacher to people who didn’t ask for it
-how is flirting with everyone to mask your loneliness ? Hmm??
-you give me not great vibes I’m sorry

Scaramouche:
-you’re MEAN mean and for what??
-stop pushing everyone away you can have friends
-you’re the one they have a groupchat without sorry
-you’re just so full of hate ??? Why ??
-you had a cringey middle school phase you wanna forget, smthn like homestuck

La Signora:
-you scare me
-that’s it
-I have nothing else