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"Hello, IT? My economy has stopped working."
"Have you tried -"
"Yes."
"Okay. Check settings. What does it say under software?"
"Compatible with EU membership."
"Do you have that?"
"I just uninstalled it."
"Er - Why?"
"Honestly, I can't remember. Something about fish?"
"Have you tried -"
"Yes."
"Okay. Check settings. What does it say under software?"
"Compatible with EU membership."
"Do you have that?"
"I just uninstalled it."
"Er - Why?"
"Honestly, I can't remember. Something about fish?"
"Is your fish industry running okay?"
"No, actually that was the first app to crash."
"You see, that one really needs the EU platform installed."
"Really? But my mate told me fishing would run better without it."
"He sounds confused. Can you reinstall your EU app?"
"No, actually that was the first app to crash."
"You see, that one really needs the EU platform installed."
"Really? But my mate told me fishing would run better without it."
"He sounds confused. Can you reinstall your EU app?"
"That might be hard. I threw it away. Also, now my economy has completely crashed. It's not letting me install anything. All these trade deals have stopped working too."
"Sounds like you'll have to buy a new licence. Unfortunately without the old one it'll be pricey."
"Sounds like you'll have to buy a new licence. Unfortunately without the old one it'll be pricey."
"What about this app my mate gave me instead? It's called Sovereignty 45."
"Mate, don't touch that. It's malware. It'll reduce your economy down to the levels of 1945."
"But those were the glory years! Weren't they?"
"Mate, when were you born?"
"1960. Why?"
"Mate, don't touch that. It's malware. It'll reduce your economy down to the levels of 1945."
"But those were the glory years! Weren't they?"
"Mate, when were you born?"
"1960. Why?"
"And do you have strange marks on your fingernails, indicating vitamin deficiency?"
"I do! How did you know?"
"An inspired guess. Listen - don't touch anything. Restart your economy in safe mode, restoring Single Market and Customs Union. That should sort it for now."
"I do! How did you know?"
"An inspired guess. Listen - don't touch anything. Restart your economy in safe mode, restoring Single Market and Customs Union. That should sort it for now."
"But my mate said those things let in viruses."
"Is your mate's name Nigel by any chance?"
"Yes! How did you -"
"Another wild stab. Those aren't viruses, they are EU workers, and they are vital to the smooth running of your systems."
"Is your mate's name Nigel by any chance?"
"Yes! How did you -"
"Another wild stab. Those aren't viruses, they are EU workers, and they are vital to the smooth running of your systems."
"But I clicked on a pop-up that said it would get rid of them all for me."
"Yes, I'm beginning to deduce your modus operandi. Well, at least you've called me now. You'll just have to run your economy at half-power until I get your new membership installed."
"Yes, I'm beginning to deduce your modus operandi. Well, at least you've called me now. You'll just have to run your economy at half-power until I get your new membership installed."
