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I’m not here to apologize, because I’ve done nothing wrong... but I am here to explain my lack of activity...
Over the past several months, like many of you, I have been struggling with a lot of stress and depression. It’s made me disinterested in what I love, very tired so I don’t tend to stay up past 9pm (last night I was out by 7:30 
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Not to mention having medical issues (I have trouble eating, and my body is always in pain) I am afraid to visit a Dr currently as the CORONA infection rate for my state of Arizona has now been reported as worse in the world. I’m afraid, and live alone. I can’t get infected.
Talking about it doesn’t help. I know many of you have offered an ear, but why would I do that? We don’t talk when I am happy and cheerful, why would I burden others with my unnecessary grief.
When I see random “uplifting” memes about “trying hard” it makes me upset... mad even. I have done nothing but try and struggle my whole life. I’m tired now. A lot of us are.
“Make new friends” isn’t easy. Frankly for me if feels impossible. “You haven’t tried” Yes, I have. At every turn. If you had the chance to see me in public I am one of the friendliest, helpful and talkative people you’ll come across. Ask the BF.
...but those are also random short term connections. Long term connections, making friends, I’m less likely to make. Being abused, used & abandoned as often as I have... it’s just easier to be alone. Especially when I don’t see any effort from the other side to keep us connected.
Life has embedded in me that I am undesirable as a friend. I am only good to keep around as long as I offer something substantial. As long as I am only, and always, cheerful. I am easy to forget... and my efforts to be included are seen as annoying and unwanted.
I want to be happy and cheerful when I post. I want to have the energy to take part in community events. But right now its a struggle... so, while this isn’t an apology, I am sorry to disappoint anyone.
Until I can pull myself out of this hole I will continue to do my best to support the community.
I hope you all are doing much better than I am. The puppies and I wish you all a good start to your weekend.
I hope you all are doing much better than I am. The puppies and I wish you all a good start to your weekend.
