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As it’s Shovavim I want to share some important thoughts: if you teach in a yeshiva, especially where students are becoming more allured by & connected to rabbinic texts (and their rebbeim who teach them), please do not cite maamrei Chazal about the evils of masturbation...
*without* (a) placing the texts in context & fairly/authentically analyzing them as you would other talmudic topics, (b) normalizing sexuality & not demonizing it, (c) feeling comfortable having uncomfortable conversations, (d) validating any guilt or shame students have & not...
weaponizing it, (e) reaching out to mental health professionals if you’re unsure how to have these conversations or what to say, (f) objectifying or hyper-sexualizing women, and (g) having unbounded compassion, sensitivity & a non-judgmental attitude. With these sensitivities...
we can sanctify the sexual, normalize sexuality, model compassion and unconditional self-regard, affirm human dignity, show our students that Jewish Tradition and texts have sophistication, that we’re (=their educators) are human, and that they are human.
If anyone wants materials - halakhic, theological, educational, or psychological about masturbation or sexuality, feel free to dm me (I’ve been researching the topic for a long time). Another great resource: Rav Eliezer Melamed’s treatment of masturbation: https://www.sefaria.org.il/Peninei_Halakhah,_Simchat_Habayit_V'Birchato,_Introduction.1
One important idea: Rav Melamed writes that the way to remediate from the sin of masturbation is by infusing (future) halakhic sexual relationships with kedusha; this is in contrast to many of the ‘tikkunim’ that are generally suggested. https://www.sefaria.org.il/Peninei_Halakhah%2C_Simchat_Habayit_V'Birchato.4.4?lang=he
For female students, https://www.sefaria.org.il/Peninei_Halakhah%2C_Simchat_Habayit_V'Birchato.4.10?lang=he.
While Shovavim “topics” are primarily spoken about in yeshivot, this is a really incredible resource for women as well.
While Shovavim “topics” are primarily spoken about in yeshivot, this is a really incredible resource for women as well.
An important essay on why these conversations are critical: https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/726168/dr-daniel-rothenberg/sanctity,-sanity-and-connectedness-struggles-for-commitment-among-orthodox-jewish-singles/
A parallel essay written by a Christian scholar: https://www.crisismagazine.com/2013/catholic-sexual-ethics-an-unknown-treasure
A parallel essay written by a Christian scholar: https://www.crisismagazine.com/2013/catholic-sexual-ethics-an-unknown-treasure
“Perceived silence, unresponsiveness or lack of engagement in these areas of personal experience by the community, translates/devolves into alienation from observance, particularly manifested as unmarrieds get older or as married relationships stagnate or ossify...
In such contexts, detachment, felt irrelevance and rejection of Jewish observance among singles, and perhaps in different ways for married individuals, may follow (pg. 86)” - Dr. Daniel Rothenberg.
Let’s build up our students and help them grow religiously, psychologically, and normally!
