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To promote an amazing trans related treatment I was given, I was put in touch w/ a PR person to sort press, who immediately launched into the deepest of questions. I found myself sharing about self harm and attempts of suicide. The chat was at my art studio, in the first 5 mins.
After answering honestly and deeply, she continued to probe even further to the point where I just had to stop mid-way through. Something didn’t feel right. I felt powerless, I felt annoyed.
Any trans person will tell you it takes a huge amount of energy to try explain what it’s like to be trans. It takes a lot of time and effort to realise and take those steps. All the regret, lost years, hope for future trans people, messages to younger selves…It’s exhausting.
Giving a 45+ min interview from birth until now on dark times takes extreme delving and is equivalent to a therapy session without the safe-guarding & expertise. Once they hang up the phone, you are left on your own having just relived some of the most difficult times in yr life
It’s not that I’m not open about these things, or that I haven’t shared them before. If I had continued, I would have been exhausted. I’m over my past experiences but I don’t want to have to overshare all the time. There’s a time and a place, and I need to be the one in control.
I don’t think cisgender people understand the amount of emotional labour that goes into this. Recounting some of your most traumatic experiences is incredibly difficult and takes a lot out of you. I shouldn’t have to share with you my pain for you to understand and respect me.
Just see me as a human being that has the right to be seen and respected. I’m not just a sad, emotional story for you to feast on. I’m a person that wants to get on with my life without having to constantly explain and justify myself.
Being radically vulnerable has often been my ethos. It's incredibly powerful being able to explain what things are like for you. Often the lived experiences of trans people is what's missing from conversations and decisions being made about trans people.
In the midst of this, I have building work at home, with everything moved into strange places. I'd arranged to chat with this person at my art studio, in the midst of a deadline. I wasn't anticipating having to reveal all via a video call at 11am. Caught me off-guard.
