So, I’m going to put this out there in case anyone else is feeling the same. I have been feeling terrible lately. My depression has been springing up in weird ways. My body has felt an amorphous and unclassifiable type of “ill.”

Tonight, I had therapy.

I laid it all out there. I’m feeling professionally disconnected and suffering from serious imposter syndrome.

I’m feeling weird about my personal life.

I am angry about what’s going on in the country.

As I talked to my therapist, particularly about my anger over the Republican response to the insurrection, things started to take shape. I’m one of MANY who warned about Trump’s white supremacy. I saw the roots of the alt-right playbook. I witnessed the media prop up Nazis.

I was one of many in 2016 who expressed fear that Trump would not surrender power without a fight. We were laughed at and told we were being dramatic alarmists.

And now, most of the GOP is either hand waving or outright supporting the coup.

And I’m powerless.

There is nothing I can do. And suddenly it clicked. That feeling of being powerless is pervading everything. I feel it in my work. I feel it in my personal relationships.

And I feel like, because I was ignored and laughed at about this huge, terrible thing four years ago that nothing I say or do in anything will matter.

I feel like if I couldn’t affect change then and can’t do it now that perhaps nothing I do at all will lead to positive change.

I don’t feel *better* but I do take some small comfort in at least understanding that what I’m feeling is consistent across the different aspects of my life. It’s a starting point at least to know that there’s a source I can point to.

I hope that someone reading this feels less alone... less crazy.