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I honestly think that people need to be educated on what GROOMING actually is bc it's a common word that's thrown around now and has unfortunately been twisted and skewed by reactionary rhetoric that removes the psychological cornerstones of it that are essential ->
I honestly think that people need to be educated on what GROOMING actually is bc it's a common word that's thrown around now and has unfortunately been twisted and skewed by reactionary rhetoric that removes the psychological cornerstones of it that are essential ->
Grooming is when an adult manipulates an underage person into trusting them so they can exploit them. It's a slow and methodical process and between structural cracks is how predators and traffickers gain a young person's trust.
They have to lie. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/
They have to lie. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/
It's adults catfishing as minors to steal their nudes, do sexual things with them, or gain something from them in general. It requires a process of dissolving boundaries that takes a bit so the kid doesn't catch on and parents or authorities are called. It's how abuse works.
It's not perfect, but I tried my best to find a gender inclusive Duluth wheel that shows the process and cycle of abuse so you can understand how it generally works:
https://ywcaspokane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/2018-YWCA-Spokane-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf
https://ywcaspokane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/2018-YWCA-Spokane-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf
Grooming is a compact version of this but it follows the same logic:
A predator/abuser targets a young person and will go for one that's socioeconomically and/or emotionally vulnerable. Someone w/o many friends or a financial safety net. Someone who'll cling to them +
A predator/abuser targets a young person and will go for one that's socioeconomically and/or emotionally vulnerable. Someone w/o many friends or a financial safety net. Someone who'll cling to them +
And they'll do anything to gain their trust in the beginning. They'll lavish them with praise, attention, or even gifts. Will be like the person's personal genie and will cater to their desires that aren't being fulfilled elsewhere and gradually make the person rely on them +
They'll start becoming financially and/or emotionally dependent on them for affection or sustenance. If they have friends, they'll start isolating them and manipulate their perception of their environment to make it seem like the predator is "Safe" compared to others +
I'm going to build on cases like the Sh*ne Dawson incident - Today, it'd be a social media personality or influencer picking out a lonely person that always leaves long love letters in their comments, sees they're 14, and invites them into their social circle and praises them +
cw: detailed descriptions of child sexual abuse
Scroll down to the 'Sexual Predators' section and you'll find a pattern: https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Controversial_YouTubers
It's almost always someone w/ more power in a dynamic picking the most /vulnerable/ people from those that give them attention +
Scroll down to the 'Sexual Predators' section and you'll find a pattern: https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Controversial_YouTubers
It's almost always someone w/ more power in a dynamic picking the most /vulnerable/ people from those that give them attention +
They butter them up as full grown adults despite having access to a wide variety of people within their own age range. I remember when I was young, maybe 14ish, I used to fool around w/ adults and my aunt caught me and said, "If an adult is doing that, something's wrong w /them."
Young people have sexualities but it's an issue where there aren't safe zones for them to mess around w/ people their own age. Bc there /is/ a separate discussion to be had about /why/ they're drawn to adults. It's usually bc they're not structurally having their needs met +
It's controversial, but I have friends that have messed around w/ older people online at 16-18 but had full agency bc the adults never 'groomed' them. The ball was in my friends' court. They weren't manipulated and they liked them bc boys their age were assholes. Outlier cases.
You have to listen to the victims or young people in that situation. You need to meet them where they're at and ask them how they /felt/. What you're going to look for are signs of emotional distress.
Scroll to the bottom:
https://ncadv.org/dynamics-of-abuse
Scroll to the bottom:
https://ncadv.org/dynamics-of-abuse
They feel isolated, depressed, and helpless opposed to empowered and emotionally healthy. Those are key components of overall abuse. They sap the person of their emotional facilities to make the predator the center of their world and are conditioned to gaslight themselves
It's important that that distinction is made because whether you like it or not, young people are autonomous. They don't always make good decisions, but they know enough to determine how they're feeling. They may not understand something, but their emotions say a lot.
This is important because as leftists who want to remove this system, a core aspect is determining how we feel about seeing young people as /people/ who may need our help and guidance, but who we don't view as property.
There are going to be teens who do shit w/ adults.
There are going to be teens who do shit w/ adults.
..But nothing bad happens. There are going to be teens who didn't get the positive reinforcement from their environment that pursue connections w/ older people, even if we hate it, bc they're not having the emotional component of their Maslow's needs met.
They have agency.
They have agency.
Simultaneously, there are also teens who do shit w/ adults who ARE genuinely groomed who you CAN ring the alarm for. But you should do it on account of them being exploited. Not simply bc they're children and you have a moral obligation to them. That's the tricky part.
This distinction has to be made & most of us aren't going to like it. But that's reality and it's complex. You can't fit fucky parts of life into neat little categories and have a proper answer or fix for them. This is one of them.
Listen to young people who feel uncomfortable.
Listen to young people who feel uncomfortable.
Because in a broader sense, this also applies to people in relationships that you don't quite understand w/ dynamics you're not used to. The key is seeing if the power is distributed equally and if that's confirmed by those involved.
Don't think 'for' people.
Don't think 'for' people.
Let them think for themselves. Esp young people. That's why everyone needs a clear understanding of what 'Grooming' actually is.
You need to lie and manipulate and purposefully isolate someone against their will. It isn't inherently contingent on a adult/teen relationship.
You need to lie and manipulate and purposefully isolate someone against their will. It isn't inherently contingent on a adult/teen relationship.
The sense of morality I was socialized with is screaming bloody murder at me but THAT'S how to distinguish this objectively otherwise you start categorizing everything as grooming when it isn't and remove young people of their agency.
So, understand what grooming is.
So, understand what grooming is.
Because not only /children/ can be groomed. Adults can too. But you wouldn't call it 'grooming' bc we think that adults are tainted and are 'too smart' to be targeted and abused or had their boundaries dissolved over a course of time.
'Grooming' just means methodical abuse.
'Grooming' just means methodical abuse.
