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through anthro, I learned to take my positionalities seriously and to use my senses and sensibilities as instruments of embodied research and writing.
but at the same time, I often feel restricted by the limitations of the english language as the 'academic lingua franca'.
but at the same time, I often feel restricted by the limitations of the english language as the 'academic lingua franca'.
english isn't my first language, nor is it the last language I learned. but it's the one that I use the most, the one that I'm expected to use the most. but my senses and sensibilities don't always work with the english language because it's not the only language I've lived with.
this is yet another instance of the manifestation of the colonial legacies of anthro and how it's practiced in academia: forcing non-english-speaking, non-english-feeling bodies into the mold of anglocentrism.
and I realized that a lot of the times I feel very insecure in my writing because I truly cannot know or judge whether the word/term that I had to translate into english even makes sense.
words are never just words. language is never just a means of communication. they're vessels for culture, culture that shapes our senses and sensibilities, our very bodies and what they are attuned to feel.
(tangentially: I think this is why I often have a really visceral knee-jerk reaction to 'teach english in [non-english-speaking country]'.)
so all of this is to announce that I've decided to be a bit more brave with my writing. I'm going to start using non-english words/terms for things that I feel can be best captured in not english even though the language of my written work is english.
yes, anthropologists have incorporated local terms/languages in their works before - but they were largely native-english-speaking (and presumably native-english-thinking) white anthropologists who did their fieldwork in a non-english language. for me, it's the other way around.
it is a very strange position to be in: to be able to speak english fluently and comfortably (perhaps important to mention that i also dream in english most of the time), but to have a body that somehow experiences things that EXCEED the english language.
but in moments like these, I am reminded to hold closer the things that cannot and should not be taken away from me no matter how strong the shameful forces of assimilation: my heritage and my language that I think and live through, my culture that I can feel in my flesh.