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One of the most exhausting experiences of my coming out as trans was the number of times I had relatives and friends say âthis is so sudden.â My being trans is only sudden to you as a cis person. For me, being trans has been decades of depression and shame in the closet
My being in the closet because of transphobia doesnât mean I was cis all those years. I was as much a trans woman when I was in the closet, as I am now that I am out of the closet. My mother recently told me I was âerasing her son,â and I told her flatly that she never had one
Cis people have this bizarre way of centering themselves in the identityâs of trans people, as if they have ownership of our bodies and minds.
Every reaction I got to coming out to a cis person was about who I âtookâ from them, or how it made âno senseâ to them
Every reaction I got to coming out to a cis person was about who I âtookâ from them, or how it made âno senseâ to them
Not once has any cis person Iâve come out to asked me how long Iâve known I was trans, or what kept me from coming out sooner. Even those whoâve been supportive have framed their support as âif it makes you happy,â rather than âyou deserved to feel safe being yourselfâ
My experience with coming out as trans, and the âitâs so suddenâ rhetoric, is why Iâm opposed to transmedicalism. For cis people, being trans is only ârealâ if a person immediately comes out, and undergoes medical transition, but that bigoted view ignores so many facts
Even if a trans person wants to come out upon first realization of their transness, cis people make doing so dangerous: physically and mentally. My father once told me if I ever came out as queer, heâd murder me, so of course I kept my queer identities to myself
Then thereâs the medical gatekeeping. If a trans person does come out upon first realization, they still have to âproveâ their transness.
In my case, my endocrinologist denied me treatment until I had a letter of diagnosis from a psychologist
In my case, my endocrinologist denied me treatment until I had a letter of diagnosis from a psychologist
So when cis people tell trans people that our coming out is âso sudden,â they are ignoring all the ways in which we are kept from expressing our gender, be it the violence of transphobia, or medical gatekeeping, or the dozens of other factors that keep us closeted
The fact that trans people must perform our identities to the satisfaction of cis people or else our being trans is âso sudden,â is so gross.
Our trans identity is exactly that: our own. We donât have to look or act a certain way to make cis people comfortable with who we are
Our trans identity is exactly that: our own. We donât have to look or act a certain way to make cis people comfortable with who we are
Weâre trans if we come out at 7 years old or 70 years old. Weâre trans whether we have surgery or not. Weâre trans with or without HRT
Just because our transness isnât visible or intuitable to cis people doesnât mean our transness is âsuddenâ when we finally share it with you
Just because our transness isnât visible or intuitable to cis people doesnât mean our transness is âsuddenâ when we finally share it with you
