10 years ago my appendix burst and I nearly died because I was told I was just suffering from gastritis and when I was on the OR table my ma was textin the lads to tell them I was about to check out, I think because she loves the drama

Had an unmerciful pain in me stomach for two days when I was working unloading trucks. Gaffer said it was sessioning. Sister said it was gluten.
Went the doctor and she gave me rennies and a month ban from alcohol.

Asked about me drinking. Said I only drink on weekends with the lads. She didn’t seem so convinced.
Woke up the next morning with a pain that I can’t even put into words.
Da asked if I was coming to work I said I couldn’t. I’ve never pulled a sickie in me life so he believed me

I barely could move the night before as it got worse. Had half a snackbox and fell asleep on the couch. .
At one point in the morning I turned over and that was when it went from a rupture to what the surgeon later said was like me appendix exploded.

It felt like someone poured a boiling kettle into me bellybutton. At this point I was roaring the gaff down.
The snackbox made a comeback to say hello and I started to get real panicky.
Realizing I was paralysed from the pain and the gaff was empty

I then realised me sister was in her room asleep because she was working nights in the airport. I screamed her name over 30 times to no answer.
My head was getting really dizzy now & I was gaspin for breath.
She must’ve been doing a double shift.
I had to ring meself an ambulance

Of course this being a recession and me being always skint I was living off call me’s my credit was gone and I had to get the land line down the hall.
I mustered all the strength I had to crawl commando style out me room to the kitchen for this bad boy

For some reason in me head (I might’ve been a drama queen) I really felt this was it and I was about to check out. Pulling meself along the floor to the kitchen.

I reached for the phone & it fell beside me. I called 999 and told them what was wrong and I needed help immediately

Now the hard part was letting them into the gaff. I could barely get on my knees let alone open the front door.
I had to try though & my house keys were in the pocket of my snickers. (The brown ones cause they’re the coolest ones)
The trousers were of course, back in me room

As I Rambo crawl back down the hall me sisters room door opens!?
She storms out, thinking she was coming to help, she walked over me & picked up the phone dialed 999 and cancelled the ambulance and I just looked to the sky like fuck this is Deffo how I go

Howiye did someone just ring an ambulance to this address?
Yeah you can cancel it he’s just tryna get out of work.
thanks
bye

Me:

I plead & plead with her please take me to hospital. After 10 minutes begging for me life she agrees to take me the doctors if I put on me trackies and shoes as I was only in me cedarwood states at this point.
May as well have asked me to put a pair of Joni jeans on a wild horse

Cut to us batin down the hard shoulder in her Ford Focus with a bowl in me lap and NRG FM playing at a level that cause the wing mirrors to shake.

We starksy and hutch into the car park and I leg it in bent over in a 90 degree angle screaming in pain

Doctor comes out and gives out to me for being loud as there are patients in the waiting room and it’s early.
Me sister decides to take my side at this point and gets all ‘neck swingin finger clickin ilac Centre ehhscyuuzee me’ with the doc and I’m brought into the office

I’m in there now literally shaking pumping sweat in agony and she refuses to give me pain killers as this would make my gastritisworse.
Me da who was called comes in and says what’s going on with him the doctor. I swear to god looks up at him and over my shoulder..

She literally gestures this to me Da to the bemusement to the room.

Anyway she had to be seriously pressured to eventually get me an ambo and she then gave me a serious pain killer, but it was a jab in the arse with a needle in front of my family so that was cool.

Two paramedics were sound as a pound (as they always and I mean always are) and I was dosed up at this stage. They ask me a few questions, look at my chart & said that yer appendix man
I was like yeah but the doctor said...

Bud I’ll bet ye a score that appendix is out by tonight

The boys rolled me into blanch A&E where my ma, who if I could describe her would be like Pam from Gavin & Stacey except more Ballymun than Billericay.
Anyway she’s in the height of it and I get rolled in and left at a desk.
For about an hour... and no one talks to me

I then get rolled out to the waiting room & were all confused. Then we wait for another hour.

At this stage the dose yer one gave me is wearing off. FAST.
The pain comes back and I realise oh fuck, I’m gonna die in a hospital waiting room.
My year head from school WAS right

I start apologizing to me ma for being an really difficult person to live with for the last few years. All the trouble I brought home. Felt like I was about to check out & wanted to at least say sorry to her

I was pissed tho she wouldn’t let me out for one last Johnny Blue

Then a doctor comes out and calls me name. I can barely lift my head at this stage. She comes over and says to me ma
“OK we’ve looked at his chart and all the symptoms. Can you tell us please how long your son has been an alcoholic?”

A wha!?

Eh I think ye have the wrong chart. My son is a lot of things but he isnt an alcoholic.
Me aul lad now cops why the GP made the ‘scoop?’ motion at him

Anyway the doctors face and demeanor changes very quickly. She kinda freaks when we tell her how long I’m feelin like this

They get the ball rolling and me into a trolley. Took one feel of my stomach, give eachother a nod and roll me up into the OR ASAP.

They give me loads of goodnight gas and the surgeons take the thing out.

I wake up with the sister crying at me bedside and I am so full of morphine I’m like what’s wrong with ye?
Here look at this and show her me wounds forgetting I haven’t a stitch on me
I was in that ward for a month with tubes hangin out me belly to get all the bile out

When the surgeon talked to me folks he said it was the most extreme case of this he’d seen and that it was a very difficult surgery. As I said before it didn’t just pop, it exploded in me putting all that poison all over me insides and they spent a long surgery gettin me sorted

He said if they’d been even 15/20 minutes later I’d have probably been brown bread from looking at the way I was when they brought me in which was totally cool and thank god WE DIDNT WASTE ANY TIME GOIN THE HOSPITAL

Undefeated