Tuning in again to CSPAN just in time for Tom "Mumbles" Cole to repeat that they should get on to serious business like voting against everything Biden wants to do and not this frivolous business of prosecuting insurrections

"If the majority is seeking consensus" lololol bro the majority is removing an actual dictator you dumb okie, no one cares about the "but you don't have the approval of a white minority how DARE you do things" today

Cole's tie is a 6/10 to my colorblind ass, either light blue or lavender with white/black stripes

OMG he's quoting legendary legal mind Alan Dershowitz. Fucking okies, man

Now he is saying this will be bad for poor Joe Biden, cannot you Democrats SEE that this will be bad for this president we wanted to destroy the entire republic to block from office??

Can we just kind of yell at him a bit with a censure? That would be nice, says Tom Dipshit Okie Cole

Jim McGovern (D-MA) has taken an edible or something and is not now openly seething with rage. Jams Liz Cheney's statement in everyone's face, enters into the record. Repeats the Dem line that it's an actual insurrection you dumbasses, ffs

Judy Chu (D-CA) is throwing down on Trump but also subtweeting House GOP talking about "directing where to go" and such

Folks, Democrats are not fucking around with the expulsion discussion

Cole is back and says hey how about you all drop this impeachment and let's form a blue ribbon panel to whine about it. Enters it as an amendment, I guess there may be a vote on it?

Rodney "How DARE you make me walk through a metal detector!" Davis (R-IL) is also team blue ribbon panel. His voice is very shrill and he is looking like he is too emotional to really talk right now

Davis is very sure his blue ribbon panel will recommend the HELL out of some recommendations and then it will be fine, everything is fine, this is fine

"Republicans and Democrats need to work together" go back to your downstate shithole, Rodney

Steny Hoyer (D-Old Guard) is up to ponderously say that we need to do stuff so we are doing this stuff

(Steny is great, a legislative legend, not exaggerating, I tease with love)

Steny throws John Ketko (R-Impeach)'s words at everyone. Dems are clearly going to enjoy reading off these statements all day long. Future primary ads against Team GOP Impeachment are being produced as we speak

"There are some here who I do not consider friends, whose values I do not share."

This is #actually a pretty big deal when Steny says it. He is very much a get along, leave all doors open kind of guy. He is real mad

OMG Steny clarifies "...and Democrats voted NO....actually they voted yes to table."

That is the most Steny sentence ever and I love him

Steny has decided he is going to itemize the history of GOP dipshittery throughout Trump's term. It's one of those, woah I forgot most of this because of the *gestures broadly*

Old hands don't forget, y'all

Steny is now enraged on the level of Pelosi from yesterday. Thundering, voice breaking, forgetting to pace his breathing under his mask and panting

It's been a pattern since 1/6: the longer Dems talk in a single sitting, the angrier they get

He's also calling out Cole which AFAIK Steny has never done (correct me if wrong please)

Al Green (D-TX) came to the podium already broken up. He's barely keeping it together at the very beginning.

"Members on the other side...I can sense they're hurting too."

Jason Smith (R-MO) is here to punch the Team Blue Ribbon Panel card. Extremely boring, just says that the insurrection was #badactually

"A young lady lost her life." Seriously, he said this about the polyamorous Qanon terrorist

(I have nothing against polys and obviously the dead terrorist is not representative, I just think it's hilarious in this particular case)

Julia Brownley (D-CA) punches Team Impeach Angrily card with a helping of no YOU are the ones who are divisive-ing

Freshman Nancy Mace (R-SC) makes her first speech to say the insurrection was bad and scary, but this is too fast and therefore unconstitutional, but she totally "holds President Trump accountable," but #ALLlivesareaccountable

MLK reference, finish the bottle/bowl/etc

Peter Welch (D-VT) is here to riff a bit off his state buddy Bernie, "all power comes from the people." He punches the Impeach Firmly But Calmly card

Jim Jordan (R-Fuckoff) is back to scream that whatabout people fixing their mail in ballots, THAT'S ILLEGAL*. Double standards! Will no one think of the DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Repeats line that protest bail crowdfunding is the real enemy

*It is literally legal everywhere

When Jordan says "I don't know where this goes" he's speaking literally. He does not actually know how anything in the House works

McGovern comes back to say through gritted teeth that Jim Jordan is a fucking moron. "Give me a break." Rehashes yesterday's Rule markup, repeats Jordan won't say "The election is not stolen."

OMG he is reading off a Dana Milbank column. My dude is PISSED

McGovern now losing his shit at the level he did in Rules. He's still calmer than I would be if I had to sit in a room with Jim Jordan at my day job

Peter DeFazio (D-BICYCLES) is here to dunk on Republicans for losing all of their lawsuite. He starts to lose his shit but he's out of time. Chair gently tells DeFazio to go sit down as he starts to scream incoherently

This fuckin dork. Guy Reschenthaler (R-PA) is wearing a mask with the congressional seal

Democrats are lying, Trump said he'll chill out so obviously he will, CHECKMATE LIBS.

His tie is appropriate. Purple/dark blue (lol colorblind) with white polka dots.

Reschenthaler says Trump did not howl the exact words go forth and tear down the government for me while baby blood dripped from his face and therefore how can you possibly say he incited anything

McGovern is getting up to yell at every Rules Republican who is talking, I kind of love it

Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) is back to Not Fuck Around. She reads Trump inciting insurrection

The Chair is here to Not Fuck Around with time. He's all, THANK you times up shut off the mic

Buddy Carter (R-GA) is very angry that bad people did bad things and they should go to jail, gtk Buddy. Why aren't Democrats healing the nation instead of taking a guy who did an insurrection out of office, after all it's only 7 days

Chair shuts everything down to shout at someone who wasn't wearing a mask

Lloyd Doggett (D-Somehow Still Around) is here to Texas Democrat it up, he is plain talking and genuine and Doggett

(Sorry, I've researched Doggett on and off and have seen this show before)

Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) punches the Sad Impeachment card. "Transcendent vote where all will be judged."

Tom Cole appears to be having problems sorting out his speakers. He's kicked time back to McGovern a few times now

Kathy Castor (D-FL) punches Angry Impeach card. Wide eyed, can you believe this bullshit, of course we have to impeach

Cole finally sends Dan Bishop (R-NC) down to compare this to the House vote on Andrew Johnson*

According to Dan's JD from Google School of Law, "the law is well-settled." Trump did not literally say kill them all, checkmate libs

*Historians: This is literally insane

Ihlan Omar (D-SQUAD) is up to show off a 7/10 hijab and punch the Angry Impeach card

McGovern is not done yelling, he is now entering a Wall Street Journal article that says wtf insurrection into the record

Lou Correa (D-CA) punches the Forcefully Impeach card. 7/10 tie, white hexagons on salmon background

McGovern is asking Cole wtf is going on with his speakers and is told there are no other speakers

McGovern says that's fine we're done too

Cole starts his closing with collegial thanks everyone good debate, including McGovern

"Rushing to judgment, in my opinion...no witnesses have been heard, no opportunity to respond from the President."

As someone not me said back in 2017

Witnesses: He did it

Video footage: He did it

Trump: I did it

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this mystery

McGovern is back up with just the tiniest sigh that he has to go through all this shit yet AGAIN

More McGovern: "Home grown mob of domestic terrorists." "What Donald Trump did fills me with rage."

McGovern: "Some of my colleagues have shown that they will defend this President no matter what he does. There is nothing to be done to dissuade him."

(Ordering the previous question is a somewhat silly parliamentary rule in which there is a vote on stopping debate/offering amendments before voting on the thing and is not especially interesting)

Back to see Tom McClintock, who says everything Trump has done is "politics" and if we impeach politics we all will have to go

Low energy category collapse, 1/5. Sad!

0/5 tie, either light green or yellow with gold diamonds

McClintock says well what if Democrats incite riots, WHAT THEN??

Funny how Republicans keep citing Lincoln mid-insurrection by their militia wing

McClintock ends by saying this is "unconstitutional," solid legal cray-nalysis 6/5

Zoe Logren (D-CA) back to punch the exact same card she punched on 25A last night. Workwomanlike, bad stuff, impeach, thanks and good night

One of the House traitors, Andy Biggs (R-AZ/TRAITOR), is up saying "your candidate will take office in a few hours, but you never wanted Biden" but "obliteration of your nemesis

It will be a Pyrrhic victory, for you will only make Trump stronger as a martyr

Biggs adds fuck allaya corporations cutting us off, Real America will back us

At least one lobbyist/PAC director has had an extremely satisfying conversation with this yall-qaeda third stringer

Adam Schiff (D-CA) is back to punch the same card, find/replace 25A/impeachment

Oh god Louie Gohmert. Strap yourselves in

Louie didn't think Pelosi was serious when she said "when we say that we actually mean to incite violence." Exactly what he said. I got nothing

"Half of impeachments ever voted for took place under this Speaker" well...that's a take

"This is so dangerous what you're doing." -man who gave his entire office and multiple MoCs COVID

Katherine Clark (D-MA) is delivering a respectably soaring card punch for Impeach Impassionately

Oh my. Darrell Issa (R-CA) is up

Trump "speaks without a filter" but "is he a clear and present danger? He clearly isn't"

"He has rallied his base."

Also it was all anarchists, before he is cut off for time

Cedric Richmond (D-LA) is here to "stand up, man up, and defend this country from foreign and domestic enemies including" Trump

8/10 Impassioned Impeach

Debbie "Lunatic" Lesko (R-AZ) is Concerned about Just 7 Days Left. It's all over guys, why are you so mad about this? Trump SAID he'll be good now. Why impeach him??

She is getting upset and seems pretty deeply offended that actions are having consequences

Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) didn't WANT to do this, but "this cannot be ignored. Donald Trump is a living, walking impeachable offense....Terror will not win, lawlessness will not win, mob rule will not win."

7/10 Earnest Impeach

Jim Jordan is kicking time over a lot. Not sure if there's trouble with GOP speakers

Pete Aguilar (D-CA) punches the Impeach card. Nothing fancy, nothing flashy, comes in and does the job and leaves. 10/10 #priorities

Yeah there is definitely something going on with Jordan and GOP speakers. He's kicked it over three or four times now

Former client David Cicilline (D-RI) is bringing the same energy he has brought to prosecuting Trump for four years, which is to say a category 5 firestorm of fuck you, fuck you over there, fuck you in particular

"Armed the mob, assembled the mob..."

David has his OWN Lincoln quote, with blackjack and hookers!

(But seriously it is an actually appropriate Lincoln quote about kicking traitor motherfuckers asses)

Jordan finally has a speaker in the form of Jeff Van Drew (R-NJ)

We did an impeachment and it didn't work so why do it now, let's get to the serious business of -NOBAMA- NOBIDEN

"Nearly half the country supports the current president. This takes their base away"

Say what you will about Republicans, they are all pretty clear now that they are white nationalist anti-majoritarian

Joe Negusa is back to repeat that he is here for impeachment and 25A and he is all out of 25A

Jim Clyburn (D-SC) is breaking up a little. Started forceful like last night but he's starting to lose it

Ken "What a Fuck" Buck (R-CO) says look at ourselves for the sources of the insurrection

Oh wow he's straight up defending them. Says it first started with the Russia investigation

Everyone has been really mean on the internet to Trump and thus the people rose up and looted the Capitol

I'm not kidding, that's what he's saying

No collusion no collusion

The Chair has enough and tosses Ken The Fuck Buck

(He was tossed for time but the Chair primly said "I'm sorry, you didn't hear me last time")