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So I’m not out in the dating world because- pandemic - and issues, but I recently had to do some research for a project I’m working on so I spent a few days on a few apps. Now keep in mind that the only time I’ve ever touched tinder was 3 years ago for 3 weeks:
I didn’t assume the bar would have been raised by too much but I did naively assume that there’d be a little more genuinely old fashioned courting behavior because of Covid- I was wrong.
Now I do live in a dating dumpster fire section of the world, but like a good researcher, I set my location to different areas of the country, and cross examined 5 different apps in 5 days. First of all, there’s the audacity.
The entitlement of these dudes screeching out their lonely demands saying things like “if you have a mask on, don’t bother.” Or “if you don’t meet in a week, swipe left.” Or my favorite “not here for a pen pal.” Really my dude? Why are you here then?
Do these dusty dudes live under a rock of entitlement? Apparently so. They don’t give a damn about Covid, only that their dick gets wet - with the least amount of effort and inconvenience on their part. It was a big ball of yikes.
Honestly I think I’d rather stay permanently single because these men really do not have a clue. They had nothing- and I do truly mean nothing- intelligent to offer. Most were unshaven and slovenly. Nobody wanted to discuss anything of substance.
They’ve become far worse than I ever remember them being and my expectations were very low especially after my last marriage. Then there’s the hardcore adventure nuts who have often just traded one escape route for another.
These are the types who go hard for Utah and I kind of loathe them. These are the men who will insist they don’t need therapy because they took up climbing or mountain biking or crossfit. As a former “pic-me-adventure chic- I’ve already been there done that.
These sports are not cheap and they require a lot of free time. For most of my friends - we have this thing called responsibility- jobs, families, friends in need, pets. And we have hobbies and we don’t have the time to go play climb the mountain on a whim.
As I said, I’m not seeking anyone but I did wonder if there would at least be a fellow or two I could refer on to a friend, but no. Hard pass. If these guys just would get a little finesse and just culture and wash up a bit they’d have more options.
It’s not about money, or power or assets, it’s more of what value they bring in terms of intellect, exploring and sharing new skills and interests with each other. And they can’t expect women who really take care of themselves to be interested if they aren’t doing the same.
That should be so painfully obvious. But sadly there are a lot of women with tragically low self esteem who will jump at the opportunity to play the supporting role in their own lives. And they’ll keep on doing it. And wonder why they feel alone in their own relationships.
Anyway, I got my research and got off the shit show in OLD. It hasn’t changed. It’s only gotten worse. But for those in decent cities, there are some slightly higher prospects but definitely not on tinder. Iris is supposed to be run by AI but it’s meh in my opinion.
I think bumble had some decent ideas but it really attracts more misogyny than not. Ironic as it’s marketed as a feminist app. I’ll let my friend carry on doing the rest of the research as she’s more tolerant than I am. 
Seriously though, men get back to hand written letters and flowers and poetry and music. Nerd out over your next Cosplay or learn how to build a tiny library together. I don’t know- just quit with the whole mindset that women owe you by default.
Maybe try knowing their minds over their bodies. And quit bitching about the friend zone. There is no such thing. How is it bad to have friends? Nobody owes anyone a relationship just because they find them attractive. Quit that.
