Wow I hate this https://twitter.com/TheAtlantic/status/1348861102923395072

There is an extreme bias in our culture to always believe parents' side of the story

while discounting and ignoring their (often adult) children's perspective as juvenile and misguided

There is an extreme amount of pressure on adult children to forgive their parents literally everything

Including abuse and vocal bigotry and hatefulness

People who resist that pressure should be believed in our accounts of why we made the choices we did

IF those explanations are offered freely

No one is required to tell you ANYTHING about their estrangement if they choose not to

You want people to stop smiling their way thru racist family holiday and bring consequences to their fashy racist families?

Well, you better start vocally supporting estrangement

Because that's the only consequence on offer

There is a power dynamic here and it generally does not lie with the adult child

The only power we have is to leave and stay gone

If you're so concerned, YOU pitch in to help my parents in their old age.

Advocate for stronger social safety nets for the elderly so they don't have worry about who will take care of them

That's the actual solution

No adult person owes another adult a relationship.

We earn our relationships by how we treat each other.

If you wanna be family, fucking act like it

This article is like "our relationships are a BURDEN"

And I am like... kinda telling on yourself there, buddy

People loved to say to me right after I became estranged from my family that I would never 'heal' if I didn't forgive them

Well. It's been 8 years, I never did forgive them, and it actually feels fucking fantastic

Zero regrets!

"Uhhh what are you gonna feel like when they pass away?"

Relieved? I don't know, I'm not psychic

If you are considering cutting ties with family and it seems scary--

1) You don't have to do anything you don't want to or aren't ready for.

2) You can limit contact without fully cutting ties and see how that feels.

3) No contact or low contact doesn't have to be forever.

You can decide to try the relationship again, if you want to.

4) If you try again and it doesn't work again- that is ok. It's not a failure.

5) You are the boss of who gets to talk to you.

Someone considering estrangement is in a situation where a family is already broken.

The goal is not to fix the relationship or the person.

The goal is for YOU to be comfortable as you can be, in a situation that may not have a solution.

The goal is for you to reduce your own suffering as much as you can

And only you know what level of family contact that means for you

I want you to protect and care for yourself like you would care for and protect the person you love the most in the world

Someone loves you that much and they want you to care for yourself as much as they do